I’m no longer who I was anymore

I have just read my first post of the year. I’m no longer that person anymore. I cannot believe that in the space of nine months that I have changed as much as I have.

I have learnt so much about who I am in such a short space of time. I can honestly say that I now accept who I am, all that I am and who I will be. Acceptance of myself has given me the freedom to be who I am and just for me.

Today was one of those typical Melbourne days. This morning I left my house and it was cold, arrived to where I was heading and it was muggie, by mid-morning it was stormy, by the afternoon it was steamy and by the time I got home again it was windy and cold. Typical! Typical is all I can say.

The point of me telling you about the weather is that with this ever-changing day I started wearing my jeans as one would normally and decided to roll them up because they had gotten wet and were uncomfortable. I couldn’t be bothered to unroll them back to how they were ‘meant’ to look so I didn’t and on my way home it struck me that I didn’t care. I didn’t care because I actually felt comfortable not just in my rolled up jeans but in my own skin.

Through job-searching and many rejections I’ve realised that none of it actually matters.

We all get there eventually. I want what I want in my life and because I know who I am, my determination and persistence – I know that I will get there.

My Mum told me today that she was proud of me. That’s all a daughter wants, is to make their parents proud and as I see my mother as a person that took on both parental roles; I feel like I’ve done my job. While even though these words are making me cry. It’s not because I’m sad, it’s because I’m happy.

Today was such a great day! I got to spend it with someone who I care about, I very much enjoy her company and felt very much appreciated for me and what I do for people. I arrive home and find a parcel for me. First thought is: uh-oh… I don’t remember ordering something from *insert name of company here* what have I done? I open the parcel. It’s from Pigeon Hole, NT – a 2013 calender of photos of the kids I taught – how wonderful! I end the day with a catch up with Mum and the viewing of “Brave”… I’m exhausted. But I feel great!!

Things will work out in the end. 🙂 The best thing is realising that I know I can do it.

I sit here today as a woman about to experience my next chapter. As I knew but didn’t quite believe back in 2007. Life is beautiful.

Signing off to grab a glass of water and get ready for bed!

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Attracting attention!

Image

I remember as a child being excited about going to see the Christmas lights.

I never would have have thought I would grow up to find a street being lined with Christmas wool. The crowds have been flocking to a nature strip to take photos of trees covered in wool. It’s a strange concept but I believe it works. I think in this day in age with people being swayed into looking after the environment wool could be a way forward… Maybe?

I’m not actually sure if this could actually take off. But so far I think for this leafy street, it’s doing the right job. In a snow-covered street it may not have quite the same effect. But that’s what I like about being a warm climate for christmas. We’re different to most everyone else. We still eat big meals, exchange gifts and spend time with family. But we get to do it in the heat, under the sun and at the beach if we so desire.

An Aussie Christmas is not what you hear about in traditional carols or stories and most people from other parts of the world don’t quite understand it but I think that’s why I love it. I’ve experienced a Christmas in winter and I have to say it wasn’t quite the same. It was more like being in a story-book or fairytale land which on one hand was great and to have to experience just once was pretty cool. But I much prefer Australia. I’m usually hanging at the beach just chilling and I love that! 

I can’t believe it’s nearly that time of the year again! I’ve had such a whirl-wind of a year but I’m really grateful to soon be starting the new adventures that I’m sure 2013 will bring!

To Christmas wool – will it be the new ‘thing’ for Christmas? It sure is attracting attention!

Signing off – happy end of the year!

 

It’s strange but good to be home!

 

 

 

 

I’ve just come home from living in a very remote community in the Northern Territory, Australia. I was there for a six week teaching placement and have to say that although my days and weeks were difficult, challenging and I struggled a bit even with thoughts of wanting to go home, that it was one of the best, amazing and inspirational experiences that I have ever had in my life so far. In fact now that I’m home even though I’m very happy to be here I’ve started to realise how desperately I would have liked to stay. I’m tired, missing the kids and finding it hard to adjust being back in Melbourne.

I can tell you being back here and re-adjusting to Melbourne life is almost harder than my first week in the community I was in and it’s mainly due to being around lots of people and also being in my room alone… When I first arrived in that community, all I thought was how blissfully peaceful it was and how nice it was with the sun going down as we were un-packing the car.

The first challenge that I had to face was living in a school library, only having a cold tap at the sink, de-frosting meat for all our cooking and having to check for frogs and toads in the toilet. As the weeks progressed I noticed how much I was missing simple comforts of life and a lot of things that I took for granted.

Amongst having to boil a kettle for washing dishes, I started to miss sitting on a couch, I wasn’t able to use my personal laptop for connecting to the internet (instead was supplied with the use of a school’s one), the internet itself was slow so no blogging etc, all the food I had to eat was already there and apart from a really expensive and basic shop there was no backup. We were five hours to the nearest town so there was also the factor of isolation. If it wasn’t for my fellow student teacher I quite possibly would have gone home earlier than originally planned – she was the person who I talked to, cooked with, worked with, watch movies with, etc and I’m happy to report I have made a new friend!

Apart from the teaching we were able to get go down to the local river, go for walks and when back in Katherine on a school trip see some amazing sights! A boat cruise down Katherine Gorge was probably the high-light, with amazing cliffs, clear water and a place to swim – you could not have asked for anything better to do!

Now that I’m home I’m asking myself – did it really happen? Because it almost feels like it didn’t. I’m sitting here in my room thinking – what am I doing here? I should be somewhere else, shouldn’t I? I’ve been to have a “real” coffee, eat at the Vic Markets with my Dad, gone to the milkbar because I was out of milk, sit on my bed, pat my cat and say hello to some of house-mates. The funniest part about coming back to Melbourne is apart from seeing family and friends the two things that I’m looking forward to the most is being able to use a hot tap and sitting on a couch!

I never thought I would be excited by such simple things, but there you go.

It’s strange and good to be home and there is not much else to say.

Signing off while thinking to myself – wow I can actually blog again!

 

 

 

Safeway, Movies, a Wonderful Friend and the Perfect Easter!

As Good Friday rolled round, my bags were packed and I was ready to go.  There was no exact plan in my trip to Kyneton to visit my friend Mia except that I knew that I had decided to get the 10:35am bus to Sunbury which would lead me to a train arriving at Kyneton station at 12:30pm…

It felt great… to get up and leave. Leave my home work, my cat (being looked after by house-mates), any potential dishes or laundry behind and go see a friend!

The first stop was the station to buy my ticket – which I happened to do so nearly two hours before my bus left – oops, but better than being late…

As I had time to spare, a trip to the coffee shop was quite appropriate. A cafe latte and flourless lemon and poppy-seed cake – ordered, I was pretty happy in being early… a leisurely wait for my bus meant that I had enjoyed my early start and didn’t feel rushed! It was great.

My bus arrived at 10am giving passengers plenty of time to board it and as I had a magazine and Harry Potter 4 –  I didn’t mind at all…

Before we knew it, we were already in Sunbury – most of us passengers got of the bus and headed straight for the train, we were wrongly directed for platform 2, luckily though we quickly realised this mistake and headed back to the right platform where our train was already waiting… back to the world of Harry Potter and a chapter later, the train had left…

It was such a quick journey that before I knew it I was greeted by the lovely Mia… we stopped by in the town of Kyneton for a bit of baby present shopping as a friend of hers was having twins – yikes…!! Hard decisions were made, but as I have since been told that the soon to be mother loved the present – I think the right ones were made…

We then headed towards her house via IGA – where we bought some much-needed lunch supplies…and some other things for later. Once we arrived to her place, there was many things to decide – like what to watch on T.V or what movie to pick for that night… ahh well life is tough when you have the weekend off…

After lots of chats, T.V watching and consuming of lunch and many hours later – it was now time for dinner… GF pasta with bacon and chicken and a cream sauce… which meant that we both sinned…oops…next year I’ll be good and eat fish… but then again some people say it’s more of a catholic thing and techniquely I’m anglican…so it should be all good right…

Yes so back to the weekend…

We decided on watching Easy A as our dinner movie…which I must say surprised me as it was really funny and I loved Olive’s parents. They were played by Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson – couldn’t you imagine them being your parents?!?! I mean – they were just brilliant… quirky, honest, fun…allowing their children to make mistakes etc and in their own way…or however way you want to describe it… was just great to watch. 🙂 Also the outfits that Olive wore when she was dressing as a “slut” was just so creative. ah… good film.

After Easy A, Save the Last Dance was on – another good film…with the dancing, the love, the ballet meets hip hop, how the girl had to live without her mother, etc – all caught up in one cool story…great film…

Saturday had slowly crept up and I woke with a sore throat…which I thought I could ‘nip in the bud’ or however the saying goes…

That didn’t quite happen…although I did try…

Our friend Jenna who had come home to visit her family from living in Canada came round after lunch and another trip into town – except this time to Safeway… where I picked up some lemsip, honey and a few other bits and pieces…

and we chatted and chatted and chatted… after not seeing another good friend for a really long time it was hard not to chat as we did… the afternoon soon turned into the evening… Jenna went home and Mia and I decided to pick up some Pizza… she got Honey Chicken and I got Greek Souvalki (as in the toppings were ingredients you would find in a souvlaki)…

More movies and some episodes of Sex and the City it was shortly time for bed…

Sunday rolled round… and it was time for me to check the train timetable… except neither of us wanted me to leave…

so instead an extra day…

This day was filled – with you guessed it – movies…plus a trip to Woodend – to have a look at the shops and just to have a drive… then another trip to Safeway cos we needed dinner – an indian beef curry with rice…

but before all this cooking an

EASTER EGG HUNT… we had about 20 – so I hid ten and Mia hid ten and we had fun hiding and finding and teasing each other while we did it and don’t forget the old ‘hot and cold trick’ – except I added sizziling and boiling just to spice things up…

Lots more chatting, TV watching, curry eating and now chocolate egg consuming – with a bit if not a lot of laughter later and before you knew it was time for bed…

A sleep later, the checking of the timetable… packing my bag, showering and getting dressed… it was time for me to say goodbye to Mia and Kyneton…

It was early Monday arvo – really cold as it had just rained… my throat wasn’t quite yet better and I was back on another train…this time though it took a lot quicker as there was no waiting time for the bus back to Melbourne…by 3:30/4 I was back at home, pumpkin soup in microwave and a bit more tv watching  to be had…just to finish off my Easter…

This morning I woke – to rain and cold, a walk to a neighbouring suburb and home for homemade chicken noodle soup to sooth my sore throat and reflect on what a great break this has been… tomorrow I will be back to the grind of study…

at least there will be plenty of chocolate to keep me company!

Signing off as I slowly start winding down for the night – prehaps maybe with some Harry Potter…

sorry no lesson of the day… unless you want to know the goodness of friends and movies – I think I’ve said all that and trust me even if with this cold I have now… it’s still safe to say that life right now can’t get any better… 🙂

 

My Sunday arvo thoughts…

I was going to write a big post on the thoughts of smokers smoking in my face and how through a busy week you can discover how determination can get you through.

But I just want to talk about today. I haven’t achieved anything of greatness, I’ve just been enjoying the company of an Offspring on DVD and thoughts about the end of the year.

I’m sitting here realising that I haven’t posted all week and just needed to…

I think that I might just write about whatever comes out of my end and keep writing until I no longer can or need to go to the toilet whichever comes first…

The future is creeping up faster than I ever thought it would which started with an offer from last Tuesday and ended with the fact that I’m going to the Northern Territory in July.

I am going to have decide on things very soon which is exciting but also daunting. It’s also not like finishing year 12 but at the same time is…

Lets go back to finishing school…

I had some idea of what I wanted to do but knew that once I got to uni it would all come together, I took a year off and had a few adventures on my own and with my mum…

Started uni at 20 which felt old at the time… boy has that changed and was completely anxious of the whole thing – I remember my first edu lecturer all characteristics, personality and teaching style to this day and to this point of even sometimes feeling like she is still teaching me… she was the only lecturer who I have actually had some resemblance of closeness too unlike at school where every teacher at the end almost felt like a best friend..

I know it’s sickening how friendly I was with my teachers but most them changed my life even if it wasn’t because of good reasons they did…

But starting uni was like this scary thing, most classes I felt nervous in even if all I did was sit there and listen…now I feel like if i was put on the spot to take over that I could – it’s in the complete reverse almost….

Goodness I really am a rambler and get it from my mum…

I’ve gotten everything from my mum – almost… some things like my sensibility and calmness I get from dad… but the nuttyness and being able to ‘rant and rave’ I get from mum…

goodness I need food and toilet break…

 

back from eating some curry which was a little bit spicy but o-so-tasty

 

It’s good to know that my house-mates are doing much the same with their Sunday arvo = watching T.V that is and eating…

I guess that’s what they’re for – right… the classic Sunday that I didn’t get at the start of Semester because I was running around doing everything else… I’m now receiving and also feel blessed that I can just enjoy

even if I have home work to do…

This is much better!

I had such a good day yesterday with a great friend of mine from school which included retail therapy, food and gossip…or some might say a good bit of ‘nothing’ but with a good friend that feels like everything…

You know friendship is truly important…

I have friends from school and uni  and just randoms I picked off the street…and some have become pretty close which is great…

then same with family…

it all comes with emotional attachment and photos

photos are wonderful – but still sometimes sad to look at…

being emotional can make you want a lot of things… and do anything to get there

Nina from Offspring points that she’s too sensible that all she does is write lists that never get there…ahhhh so do I – I have this never-ending to do list that keeps going without seeing any signs of ending… goodness… I’ve got stop saying goodness.

Are we never happy if we keep adding to the list?

On my list: (OF my life)

-finish uni

-finish reading Harry Potter for the second time

-find a job

-decide on where to live next year

– help those I love

-travel and see places I haven’t yet before – with friends, by myself and with family…

– take a break after teaching for a few years or so…

– decide on if teaching will be my only job…

– find new love

– have a baby or two or three

-find where to raise family

– include family and friends in on my family

-keep in contact with everyone I love

-try to be happy

– keep being me

It’s a short list but it has huge things on it – some short-term, some long-term, some I can’t really think about now and all things that need other things to happen first before i get there which basically means that I could always be making lists…

and who for?

For me? These are all things I want but they all include other people and all take smaller steps to get there… in fact I have stuff that still needs to happen today before I get to tomorrow… even if that’s as simple as going to the super-market…

plus all the emotional stuff that can happen in between…

life isn’t a time-line…

BUT why is it a list?

Lesson of the day:

write lists if you need to, but remember that if not everything gets done then they aren’t going to stop you from living your life, they’re just going to put a “spanner in the works”

Enjoy Sunday because if you don’t you could be a wreck by the start of the week… which no one wants…

Signing off so I can go back to Offspring! 🙂

 

 

Just like scrambled eggs!!

If you’re eyes feel like they are so low they could be touching your chin and they are falling closed to the point that no matter how much you try to keep them open they won’t…then you have gone past tired directly to exhausted… I probably should right now be asleep in bed…but instead I have an insane determination is stay up and write a blog post. After my week though in particular today I feel as though there is a need to do something to not just unwind but to get away from the lecture room and the study desk. To unwind in a place where I feel immediately relaxed – even if this is related to uni, it’s not a prescribed assignment, it’s something that I have chosen to do myself!

The week started well with my Drama Monday – a fun lesson, followed by a fun movie…

Tuesday turned into a day of being completely frustrated at once again being placed at a school so far out of my way that there would almost be no point in the travel time to get there. I went absolutely completely mad and was so outraged that when I called mum to debrief that I couldn’t calm down, I was crying then yelling then crying again. I’m not normally one to lose it like that but after the stress of last year I was hoping for a smoother run so I didn’t have to wait till almost the end of the year to do my teaching rounds. It was too late in the day to do anything about it – so I did the classic thing – to sleep on it…

Wednesday came:

I had this great subject called The Cultural Studies of Tibet and our lecturer for that was this great guy – who was completely stuck in the stone ages as far as lecturing goes – no use of technology, but he was so enthusiastic and passionate about what he was talking about that it was a nice change to not have to watch slide after slide about the subject matter. During the tute he didn’t really have much to expand on, because it was week one… but instead talked about why he doesn’t use technology…

In normal circumstances this would really bug me – but he was talking about it in context to education and us as learners which relates to the course I’m in so I thought even though I didn’t agree with his theory it was good to hear another perspective. He felt as though technology was there as a distractor, that it wasn’t valuable, most people were always plugged into something and therefore he didn’t like to use it. His argument also covered how if you have slides of a Powerpoint or a recorded lecture then that means that student don’t show up to the lectures – which he thought was valuable. I could understand why he prefered not to use it…

As an educator though – the use of technology especially as we are in the 21st century is a vital part of the classroom… kids nowadays and even when I was still at school are so in tune with technology that teachers need to use to and even allow their students to use their iPhones/ipads/MacBooks or whatever it is they are plugged into – for the purpose of learning as this is how it should be… the old saying goes – pick your battles… sure if a student was txting in class, listening to music while people were talking – all the classic disruptive things that kids can do with our gadgets – then that would have to be stopped, etc…

Although I discovered last year on my teaching rounds at a school that was very focused on the use of technology that if students are using these gadgets for their appropriate uses in the classroom, then it’s ok;  if this includes listening to a song for a performance they have to do as part of their assessment then that should be encouraged – teachers know when their students are doing work and when kids are slacking off, they can usually tell the difference… but not only that if they’re not doing the work it could be because they are disengaged then maybe it’s something about how we are teaching and creating an engaged classroom… it’s tough though because what do you do when you’re in a maths class and the students have no interest at all because in the year after they’re not continuing with maths…???

The Tibet tute had come to a close and it was now time to meet some old friends – a couple who I hadn’t seen in two years. It was fantastic being greeted by old faces and catching up on two years of life… after they went to class… it was time for me to complete my day…travelling home via the uni bookshop and getting a new concession card…. I made a call to the people who sort out our schools… they gave me another number…

I waited until I got home-made the call and then within an hour all the frustrations of the day before had been relieved as a new school was found and it is close to where I live. I was so grateful to the person over the phone – that the same amount of energy I had used being angry and upset the day before had been used in thanking her for sorting it out and so efficiently!!

Now here’s to Thursday…and those scrambled eggs!

We were meant to be at uni this morning at the bright and cheerful time of 8:00am for our first lecture of the day and nothing was organised to the point where we were still in the lecture room 20 mins after the lecture was meant to end and only 10 mins of the lecture was about 4th year and what it would entail – the rest was pointless information that most of us didn’t even need to know…plus they had people in this lecture that were from another course – why?

There was no improvement by the time of the tute – people were even sitting on the floor, fellow students had cleverly worked out that our class size meant that seats would be limiting so had gone straight there even though this lecturer had told us to take our times…

We were told to go to the later tute… we were told to go to Monday’s class… we were told to stay on Thursday…

The afternoon came and our afternoon lecture was GREAT! A massive discussion on the 21st century, what events that have occurred to influence this century, changes in technology, globalisation – so many things that I could have easily talked about for the rest of the day…

Afternoon tute: yikes… organising groups at uni was actually more complicated and more disorganised than organising groups in a year 11 Drama class… with hlf an hr left of the class to go we were still working on it… even though the unit guide had clearly stated what to do – completely laughable really… at least my lecturer has the personality of her frizzy red hair and the enthusiasm which goes with most great teachers which made up for it… I had spoken to her earlier about joining her tute group and knew that her day had been a muddle too and she had just been as scrambled as the rest of us!

Who wants eggs?!?!

Lesson of the day:

Don’t let a little bit of disorganisation and frustration lead you to think that, that is how everyday will end up being…sometimes it takes time, sometimes a lot of time and sometimes a small amount of time… generally speaking it’s nobody’s fault when stuff like this happens because we are all part of the picture we have to be patient because usually good things come to those with patience. I could have easily caught a later train and had been relieved that they hadn’t covered anything important. Things get sorted and sometimes waiting only means that the experience is far more rewarding than you ever thought it would be… like last year – I didn’t get a school until the year was nearly over, but then I got a fantastic school and a  7 week block which meant that the experience was more than I would’ve dreamt off…

A challenge is put in place, not to be a challenge but to be something to over-come, get through and know that you can do it if you put your mind to it.

Sleep also is 100% important… it makes our minds clearer and ready to tackle the day!

Signing off… as I’m nodding off and allowing my eyes to finally close…

Have a great weekend!!