She did not get “Friends” straight away.

As I think about the past year and being persistent with pursuing my teaching career. I think about how positive thinking has taken on many forms. It has not always come easy. In fact to think positively is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is not natural when you are feeling down, frustrated, angry and disappointed in life to change those thoughts into something positive. But if you don’t life inevitably becomes almost impossible to live. 

Difficult life situations although hidden by being hard to deal with can actually become things that are good in life. Because we learn from them. I know one day I will look back on today. I will look back on the time that I am in now trying to figure it all out and I will think about how far I have come. I know this to be true because I have already experienced this feeling. I have already reflected on life events that happened once upon a time. Knowing this to be true is one of the many reasons why I keep going.

I am happy for those people who got teaching jobs last year and thanks to social media I have become aware of roughly how many but also roughly how many who didn’t. Some of these people who went on to get jobs have also been complaining about the work load. It is a double edged sword to achieve what you want. To those people who have full time teaching jobs, I urge you to not complain. Because out of thousands of graduates you were chosen. You were hired as a teacher. Instead maybe you think of your peers who don’t have teaching work. How would you feel if you were them?

On the other side of happiness there comes a little bit of sadness. For those graduates who are still searching. Some of these people are not just searching for teaching roles. They are trying to still live lives despite not having what they worked so very hard for. Yet they are still going. Because they think about how great it is going to be when they get there. I think although it has become harder for me and the thousands still looking we are the ones that will appreciate it more. 

Lisa Kudrow was the commencement speaker at the graduation ceremony for Vassar College in 2010. I watched her speech this morning via YouTube. She graduated from Vassa with a BA in Biology in 1985. She did not get her role as Phobe Buffay on “Friends” until 1994. She first had to make the decision to pursue a different career than what she studied in and then she had to overcome many obstacles before landing her first ‘real’ job. 

Two things that stood out from this speech for me is how she said that your 20s are a series of different crossroads and that after being fired from “Frasier”(another TV show…) she still managed to get up in the morning. That if she was able to simply get up each day, leave her apartment and still live her life. She was coping really well. “Friends” changed her life. It didn’t happen straight away. 

One day I will know of a similar feeling. My life will be changed somehow. It hasn’t happened just yet. But it will, I know it will. If you are someone who is still searching for this same feeling, for this same change…then that is ok because your ‘one day’ will happen, just you wait and see. 

Here is the link to Lisa’s speech. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLkUoeMNeeY 

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The rest of our lives…

A cousin of mine is year 10 and is 15 years old. She is already being asked what she wants to do with the rest of her life. She has no idea; it’s a tough question to ask anyone let alone someone who is 15. When I was 15 I had no idea. When I was 21 I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do… – be a Primary School Teacher. Now approaching my 25th birthday I’m asking myself the same question and I just don’t know.

I still think I’m too young to have it all “figured out”. Maybe, if I had been employed as a teacher at the end of last year; I would have a better idea. Upon reflection in not having straight away gotten a job I am “umming” and “ahhing” over what I want to do.

Earlier this year I was offered a job interview for a Kindergarten Teaching role – I spoke to the lady on the phone who was making the offer and because I don’t have quite the right qualifications I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even go to the interview to see what it was all about. It got me thinking that with nannying experience and knowing that I love littlies – I thought to myself… what if I went back to uni and studied Early Childhood Edcuation?

What if I did both teaching and nannying? What if I went back to the idea of opening an etsy store? What if, what if, what if?

Is that all life is – a whole bunch of what ifs just waiting to never truly be answered?

Plus do I have to do the same thing for the rest of my life?

To be honest if someone asked what I wanted out of life. I would say that I just wanted to be happy. I don’t think there is a clear path for anyone to take. Some of us might be happy doing the same old thing forever whereas others might need to change our minds a couple of times. The rest of our lives is a long time to think about. I would rather just take my time.

Maybe every year for me can be new and different. I could find new things to do. It might be a bit unstable or less secure but I’m in my 20s. Do I really need to “figure it out?”

Does my life when in the stage of just looking out for myself really have to be so serious? I think all of us needs to relax a little bit. Especially myself.

I could ask the world a million questions but at the end of the day it’s my life and it is there for me to live it and how I would like to.

Signing off to go enjoy the rest of my Sunday!

My new job!!

I started a new job on Monday! I work in before and after school which means that every day Monday to Friday I get to go to one school and provide care for children aged 5-12 in both the morning and afternoon. The split shift is a hard adjustment. The job itself is wonderful.

The morning starts with setting up the kitchen with breakfast for the children, wiping down the tables and discussing the days activities with my co-ordinator.

As the children arrive with their parents what they do varies. Some decide to go straight into playing a game, doing arts and crafts or their homework. The kids I work with are diligent with their schoolwork, polite and very fun to be around.

As they settle into the morning some ask for milo, cereal or toast. While others have already had their breakfast. There are only a few kids who come in the mornings with the most being about 10.

One of the kids insists I don’t give her enough milo. I laugh to myself as I used to be a lover of milo and would enjoy much more than she gets given. This is one of the great things about working with children. When you realise how similar you are or once were.

The afternoons are a much busier affair. We can have 20+ children. I know as a teacher that, that is normal. However, it’s very different in this job. Although there are activties planned it can be quite unstructured.

We do ball games, arts and crafts, colouring competitions, cooking, etc. It can be very busy!

The kids are all different too as some don’t really want to participate. As someone who experienced going to both before and after school care I can really appreciate where they’re coming from. They want to be at home.

With a bit of encouragement to have them join in there is a fine line between wanting them to participate and be a part of the group and not pushing them in doing something they don’t want to do.

In drips and drabs the children leave until eventually there is no one left and it’s time to go home. As the assistant I’m not always there for this depending on ratios and on a Friday it’s a most common occurance… which is good because by then I’m ready to go home early.

So far everyday I’ve been thinking to myself “am I seriously getting paid for this?” “I’m having too much fun!”

I think that’s a sign that I pretty much love my new job.

Teaching is still on the cards but for now I’m pretty happy!!

Siging off – I need a nap! 😉

Enjoy it and stop worrying about your next step!

“Your purpose may not always be obvious, but always remember that you do have a purpose.”

—- Rodney Williams —-

I feel like I’ve gotten to the part of my life that’s like being in transit at the airport. I’m waiting for the plane to be ready to fly me to my next destination. I completed my university degree about two weeks ago now and believe to have experienced a downward spiral of emotions from my initial release and relief of finishing. My Mum has reminded me that where I am in my life at the moment is ok.

Completing my degree is a huge achievement and what I have found hard is to sit with this thought. To be in the moment.

I’ve been on a whirlwind of job searching and working in my current job/s as a nanny/babysitter and even though I have had more time than when I was a student it’s almost like I feel like I haven’t had the time to do anything else. I haven’t even had a couple of drinks with friends! How crazy is that?

Stress has taken over and what or who for?

Within the last few days I have decided that for now on I just have to live my life how it is, be in the moment and see where it takes me. Mum is right, it’s ok. It’s totally ok.

I’ve had many conversations with people who know me well recently about my life about what I’m trying to “figure out” and the best thing that I heard is “to stop worrying about figuring it and just have some down time because even when you think you have figured it all out, you really haven’t”
All I can say after hearing that is that I feel much better about it all. It’s not to say that I’ll put a stop to all that I’ve been doing. It’s just to say that I’m going to do my best to enjoy finishing something that has taken four years of my life to complete.

I put so much pressure on myself sometimes and I think that it’s taken me the last four years to realise this about myself. I’ve had a tough four years. I’m not just talking about my studies either. In my personal life I have experienced a lot of hard things that we as human beings endure. I even got to the point last year where I was stressed so much that I became sick a lot of the time, facing a diagnosis of Coeliac Disease, having my appendix removed and dealing with other bowel and adominal problems. Three years into my degree and I was ready to give up.

Now here I am and I’ve done it. I’ve put in all the hard work. I’ve achieved great results even in the face of hard times and I’ve conquered my degree. I’m a university graduate.

I’m a teacher!

That’s the first time I’ve managed to write that, to say it do myself and it feels great!

I’m finally congratulating myself and seeing what I’ve done and how amazing it is.

Plus I’ve just organised to celebrate with a uni friend of my mine – finally!

Lesson of the day:

If you’ve just completed something like finishing school, uni, a competition or anything else that has taken a lot of work, whatever that may be.  Enjoy it, stop worrying about your next step because in time your next chapter will begin! 🙂

It’s strange but good to be home!

 

 

 

 

I’ve just come home from living in a very remote community in the Northern Territory, Australia. I was there for a six week teaching placement and have to say that although my days and weeks were difficult, challenging and I struggled a bit even with thoughts of wanting to go home, that it was one of the best, amazing and inspirational experiences that I have ever had in my life so far. In fact now that I’m home even though I’m very happy to be here I’ve started to realise how desperately I would have liked to stay. I’m tired, missing the kids and finding it hard to adjust being back in Melbourne.

I can tell you being back here and re-adjusting to Melbourne life is almost harder than my first week in the community I was in and it’s mainly due to being around lots of people and also being in my room alone… When I first arrived in that community, all I thought was how blissfully peaceful it was and how nice it was with the sun going down as we were un-packing the car.

The first challenge that I had to face was living in a school library, only having a cold tap at the sink, de-frosting meat for all our cooking and having to check for frogs and toads in the toilet. As the weeks progressed I noticed how much I was missing simple comforts of life and a lot of things that I took for granted.

Amongst having to boil a kettle for washing dishes, I started to miss sitting on a couch, I wasn’t able to use my personal laptop for connecting to the internet (instead was supplied with the use of a school’s one), the internet itself was slow so no blogging etc, all the food I had to eat was already there and apart from a really expensive and basic shop there was no backup. We were five hours to the nearest town so there was also the factor of isolation. If it wasn’t for my fellow student teacher I quite possibly would have gone home earlier than originally planned – she was the person who I talked to, cooked with, worked with, watch movies with, etc and I’m happy to report I have made a new friend!

Apart from the teaching we were able to get go down to the local river, go for walks and when back in Katherine on a school trip see some amazing sights! A boat cruise down Katherine Gorge was probably the high-light, with amazing cliffs, clear water and a place to swim – you could not have asked for anything better to do!

Now that I’m home I’m asking myself – did it really happen? Because it almost feels like it didn’t. I’m sitting here in my room thinking – what am I doing here? I should be somewhere else, shouldn’t I? I’ve been to have a “real” coffee, eat at the Vic Markets with my Dad, gone to the milkbar because I was out of milk, sit on my bed, pat my cat and say hello to some of house-mates. The funniest part about coming back to Melbourne is apart from seeing family and friends the two things that I’m looking forward to the most is being able to use a hot tap and sitting on a couch!

I never thought I would be excited by such simple things, but there you go.

It’s strange and good to be home and there is not much else to say.

Signing off while thinking to myself – wow I can actually blog again!

 

 

 

I have writer’s block!!!

I have the urge to write but don’t know what to write. This is a rare occurence for me. A rare occurence indeed. Ususally I can write at any time even if it’s about the most mundane things… But this evening as I decided it was about time to write again – anything, just anything to get me going – I thought but I have nothing that I want to write about…

So instead I’m going to try this thing called a ‘stream of  consciousness’ or a continuous flow of thoughts in writing whereby I write all my thoughts as I think them… goodness I hope this isn’t over sharing

Here we go: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3,2, 1…

What am I afraid of? I’m listening in my mind to this song about someone being afraid of something to do with love but what is that I’m afraid of? Obviously I’m listening to this song because I can in some way I relate to it but I’ve never been in love so am I afraid of it? But I have had a broken heart just not in the traditional sense of it… my eyes are drooping so really I should sleep but I know as soon as I climb into bed it’s not going to happen that’s all I want to write  now… sleep gosh there is a part of me that wishes I wasn’t on holidays…

The sound of my fingers typing is a soothing sound that I like because it means that I’m writing something that’s just for me something that no one has to like it’s just for me just for me that’s what I like best about this typing though is very different to holding a pen or a pencil I feel as though somehow handwriting is nicer than typing…goodness I’m so old-fashioned why am I so old-fashioned?

If you look at my hair you wouldn’t think it was old-fashioned or the act of shaving it off maybe I’m partly old-fashioned and partly not… I miss you, you know… here I am getting that sinking feeling again of missing a person you love wait love in its traditional form isn’t all about the love between man and woman or woman and woman or man and man love can be friend and friend pet and owner etc but come on I am human I want the other kind…

Gosh people could be reading this soon what if I just deleted this entire post. Emma keep your eyes open. No. Go to bed. No awake. Awake is where you’ll be when you feel like this…

I am strong I know it other people know it and if I cry it’s not a sign of weakness it’s not it’s just not…hmmm why not have a sip of hot chocolate with almond milk yes that’s right I spent more than any normal person should on one litre of milk just so I knew what it bloody well tasted like and crap it had to taste so bloody good that I’ll buy it again why just why food for me has become an expense I mean I know I don’t need almond milk but in so many gluten-free recipes they use almond and rice milk so I thought oh what’s the harm in trying this milk it’s meant to be good for you so why bloody not the only problem is because I also didn’t want the milk loaded with sugar I got the bloody organic one I want so much to be healthy so I don’t have to go to fing hospital but I also don’t want to be poor why make people who have fing coeliac disease pay for it out of their hard-earned money why… so back to that crying thing yeah it’s happened

oh good it’s stopped sigh deep breath sigh and deep breath

ok I’m ok

19 days till I fly to Darwin why did I sign up for swirl I mean I know why but now I’m scared I’m excited but lets face it if I was lying I’d be saying I’m so excited and so honoured to be given this opportunity blah w****r is what I would call myself if I said that because it’s not true I mean the teaching thing the story telling thing great the bloody remote thing what was I thinking oh yeah I wanted the challenge crap I have to eat gluten-free food what was I thinking…oh this is stupid I’ll be fine no seriously ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok need to change my thoughts to something different.

Saw “Annie” today it was so fantastic and being able to see it with a great friend made it all the worth while and leaving the theatre we saw a wedding party who gets married in winter idiots. oh there would have been many reasons but seriously idiots.

ok I need to stop this otherwise the whole world if the whole world is reading will know my inner most thoughts and I don’t want that…

 

Activity complete. Back to normal:

It’s always good to write like that once in a while and it got me out of my writer’s block.

If there are readers of this post please don’t take my thoughts too seriously they were literally in the moment I didn’t plan what I was writing they came to me at the moment – also I’m tired so any worry or concern or even a positive emotion has been heightened by 1,000… plus the last time I did this I was in a state of joy and there were very different results I can tell you.

Lesson of today (to writers):

Writing all your thoughts like this can be a great way to ‘unleash’ anything that needs to be taken out of your mind to you free you up and write and also you might be surprised in what you come up with – some great story could come out of it!

*note* I read over what I wrote in the end for spelling and grammar in no way though did I delete anything that I wrote – that would defeat the purpose.

 

 

Printers, photocopiers, scanners and staplers!!!

You’ve completed the assignment, you’ve put together the last piece of the lesson and are ready to print.

As simple as that sounds it never is. You print and print and print…then it gets to the last page and the printer flashes: ERROR! ERROR! ERROR!

You think…oh drat what now – all I want is for this to be printed!!! Urggh!

So you unjam the paper, put more paper in the machine and make sure there is enough ink. All great so you print and print and print.

The printing is finished. YAY!!! We all shout for joy.

So you grab the stapler to staple the pages together. All simple again.

But wait. NO. You staple the pages TEN times before the stapler runs out of staplers.

A trip to the supermarket is needed.

You come home.

Staple – go through what seems like the box and FINALLY the pages get stapled together!!

YAY another small victory.

Then you put together the pieces of a lesson plan – the lesson that you have to teach TOMORROW!

This needs to be scanned…that needs to be photocopied… The scanner is having the issues…

The photocopier is OUT OF INK…

There aren’t any other solutions…

Do you make the templates yourself – yes!! Urgh…

So much effort, just for one small activity…

No one else notices… 😦

The next day the kids do some GREAT work.

All the stress gone.

YAY now some real celebration can commence until the next battle with the printer, photocopier, scanner and stapler – especially the dreaded stapler.

Apparently once you’re a real teacher you can bluff your way through these situations.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Looking forward to that.

Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs or staplers bite.

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