I’m no longer who I was anymore

I have just read my first post of the year. I’m no longer that person anymore. I cannot believe that in the space of nine months that I have changed as much as I have.

I have learnt so much about who I am in such a short space of time. I can honestly say that I now accept who I am, all that I am and who I will be. Acceptance of myself has given me the freedom to be who I am and just for me.

Today was one of those typical Melbourne days. This morning I left my house and it was cold, arrived to where I was heading and it was muggie, by mid-morning it was stormy, by the afternoon it was steamy and by the time I got home again it was windy and cold. Typical! Typical is all I can say.

The point of me telling you about the weather is that with this ever-changing day I started wearing my jeans as one would normally and decided to roll them up because they had gotten wet and were uncomfortable. I couldn’t be bothered to unroll them back to how they were ‘meant’ to look so I didn’t and on my way home it struck me that I didn’t care. I didn’t care because I actually felt comfortable not just in my rolled up jeans but in my own skin.

Through job-searching and many rejections I’ve realised that none of it actually matters.

We all get there eventually. I want what I want in my life and because I know who I am, my determination and persistence – I know that I will get there.

My Mum told me today that she was proud of me. That’s all a daughter wants, is to make their parents proud and as I see my mother as a person that took on both parental roles; I feel like I’ve done my job. While even though these words are making me cry. It’s not because I’m sad, it’s because I’m happy.

Today was such a great day! I got to spend it with someone who I care about, I very much enjoy her company and felt very much appreciated for me and what I do for people. I arrive home and find a parcel for me. First thought is: uh-oh… I don’t remember ordering something from *insert name of company here* what have I done? I open the parcel. It’s from Pigeon Hole, NT – a 2013 calender of photos of the kids I taught – how wonderful! I end the day with a catch up with Mum and the viewing of “Brave”… I’m exhausted. But I feel great!!

Things will work out in the end. 🙂 The best thing is realising that I know I can do it.

I sit here today as a woman about to experience my next chapter. As I knew but didn’t quite believe back in 2007. Life is beautiful.

Signing off to grab a glass of water and get ready for bed!

My Sunday arvo thoughts…

I was going to write a big post on the thoughts of smokers smoking in my face and how through a busy week you can discover how determination can get you through.

But I just want to talk about today. I haven’t achieved anything of greatness, I’ve just been enjoying the company of an Offspring on DVD and thoughts about the end of the year.

I’m sitting here realising that I haven’t posted all week and just needed to…

I think that I might just write about whatever comes out of my end and keep writing until I no longer can or need to go to the toilet whichever comes first…

The future is creeping up faster than I ever thought it would which started with an offer from last Tuesday and ended with the fact that I’m going to the Northern Territory in July.

I am going to have decide on things very soon which is exciting but also daunting. It’s also not like finishing year 12 but at the same time is…

Lets go back to finishing school…

I had some idea of what I wanted to do but knew that once I got to uni it would all come together, I took a year off and had a few adventures on my own and with my mum…

Started uni at 20 which felt old at the time… boy has that changed and was completely anxious of the whole thing – I remember my first edu lecturer all characteristics, personality and teaching style to this day and to this point of even sometimes feeling like she is still teaching me… she was the only lecturer who I have actually had some resemblance of closeness too unlike at school where every teacher at the end almost felt like a best friend..

I know it’s sickening how friendly I was with my teachers but most them changed my life even if it wasn’t because of good reasons they did…

But starting uni was like this scary thing, most classes I felt nervous in even if all I did was sit there and listen…now I feel like if i was put on the spot to take over that I could – it’s in the complete reverse almost….

Goodness I really am a rambler and get it from my mum…

I’ve gotten everything from my mum – almost… some things like my sensibility and calmness I get from dad… but the nuttyness and being able to ‘rant and rave’ I get from mum…

goodness I need food and toilet break…

 

back from eating some curry which was a little bit spicy but o-so-tasty

 

It’s good to know that my house-mates are doing much the same with their Sunday arvo = watching T.V that is and eating…

I guess that’s what they’re for – right… the classic Sunday that I didn’t get at the start of Semester because I was running around doing everything else… I’m now receiving and also feel blessed that I can just enjoy

even if I have home work to do…

This is much better!

I had such a good day yesterday with a great friend of mine from school which included retail therapy, food and gossip…or some might say a good bit of ‘nothing’ but with a good friend that feels like everything…

You know friendship is truly important…

I have friends from school and uni  and just randoms I picked off the street…and some have become pretty close which is great…

then same with family…

it all comes with emotional attachment and photos

photos are wonderful – but still sometimes sad to look at…

being emotional can make you want a lot of things… and do anything to get there

Nina from Offspring points that she’s too sensible that all she does is write lists that never get there…ahhhh so do I – I have this never-ending to do list that keeps going without seeing any signs of ending… goodness… I’ve got stop saying goodness.

Are we never happy if we keep adding to the list?

On my list: (OF my life)

-finish uni

-finish reading Harry Potter for the second time

-find a job

-decide on where to live next year

– help those I love

-travel and see places I haven’t yet before – with friends, by myself and with family…

– take a break after teaching for a few years or so…

– decide on if teaching will be my only job…

– find new love

– have a baby or two or three

-find where to raise family

– include family and friends in on my family

-keep in contact with everyone I love

-try to be happy

– keep being me

It’s a short list but it has huge things on it – some short-term, some long-term, some I can’t really think about now and all things that need other things to happen first before i get there which basically means that I could always be making lists…

and who for?

For me? These are all things I want but they all include other people and all take smaller steps to get there… in fact I have stuff that still needs to happen today before I get to tomorrow… even if that’s as simple as going to the super-market…

plus all the emotional stuff that can happen in between…

life isn’t a time-line…

BUT why is it a list?

Lesson of the day:

write lists if you need to, but remember that if not everything gets done then they aren’t going to stop you from living your life, they’re just going to put a “spanner in the works”

Enjoy Sunday because if you don’t you could be a wreck by the start of the week… which no one wants…

Signing off so I can go back to Offspring! 🙂