My new job!!

I started a new job on Monday! I work in before and after school which means that every day Monday to Friday I get to go to one school and provide care for children aged 5-12 in both the morning and afternoon. The split shift is a hard adjustment. The job itself is wonderful.

The morning starts with setting up the kitchen with breakfast for the children, wiping down the tables and discussing the days activities with my co-ordinator.

As the children arrive with their parents what they do varies. Some decide to go straight into playing a game, doing arts and crafts or their homework. The kids I work with are diligent with their schoolwork, polite and very fun to be around.

As they settle into the morning some ask for milo, cereal or toast. While others have already had their breakfast. There are only a few kids who come in the mornings with the most being about 10.

One of the kids insists I don’t give her enough milo. I laugh to myself as I used to be a lover of milo and would enjoy much more than she gets given. This is one of the great things about working with children. When you realise how similar you are or once were.

The afternoons are a much busier affair. We can have 20+ children. I know as a teacher that, that is normal. However, it’s very different in this job. Although there are activties planned it can be quite unstructured.

We do ball games, arts and crafts, colouring competitions, cooking, etc. It can be very busy!

The kids are all different too as some don’t really want to participate. As someone who experienced going to both before and after school care I can really appreciate where they’re coming from. They want to be at home.

With a bit of encouragement to have them join in there is a fine line between wanting them to participate and be a part of the group and not pushing them in doing something they don’t want to do.

In drips and drabs the children leave until eventually there is no one left and it’s time to go home. As the assistant I’m not always there for this depending on ratios and on a Friday it’s a most common occurance… which is good because by then I’m ready to go home early.

So far everyday I’ve been thinking to myself “am I seriously getting paid for this?” “I’m having too much fun!”

I think that’s a sign that I pretty much love my new job.

Teaching is still on the cards but for now I’m pretty happy!!

Siging off – I need a nap! 😉

I can go the distance!

3pjudr

I’m inspired by Disney as though I’m still a little girl – but this song although I’m not aspiring to be a hero I feel is very reminiscent of what I am trying to achieve. I think that if I didn’t do everything in my power to achieve my life goals then I wouldn’t have the same satisfaction as I did once I got there.

If finding a job takes more than 70 job applications with most of them being rejected before I find the school that’s right for me then, then so be it.

I want this more than anything at this stage of my life and I will do what it takes to get there.

If it means singing a long to songs such as “I can go the distance” featured in the Disney film “Hercules” in order to help in boosting my confidence than so be it. I have to hold on to the belief that I will get there in the end.

Like anything I’ve so far achieved, it takes what it takes to get there and I just have to do what that is!

In the meantime – got anymore Disney songs I can sing to reflect how I’m feeling??

Signing of for more singing! 🙂

Woah… short post!

Film Review: “Mother and Child”

Sorry for being out of communication for a while I was working hard on finishing my degree!! Completeling my last assignment, handing it in and presenting it in front of a panel of peers and a lecturer/my assessor – scary, scary, scary!! However I can now safely say that I’m that much closer to being a teacher! I don’t have much to say at about it at the moment as it’s still sinking in so I thought I’d write a film review instead. Here goes:

This film really took me by surprise. It is a film that resonated with me not because I’m a mother – which I’m not but because I’m human.

Although as the title suggests it is centred around the relationship between mother and child to me it is more about the realities of human life.

In one person’s lifetime they can experience a myriad of change. Change can be seen as a blessing or a burden.

The changes that I’ve endured through-out my life have seen me smile, cry, fall in a heap, conquering challenges, see a new outlook on life and ultimately grow as a person. I believe that all people have more similarities than differences and that this film captures this brilliantly.

The best part about this film is watching how these people face what life presents us and in a raw and humanistic style. There is no denying how people really are. It is through these people’s emotions, needs and thoughts that we see ourselves. We see how we want to be perceived, how society views people and how we truly are.

At the heart of it of course is that relationship between mother and child. We watch the lives of three women and their ‘journey’ A woman who gave up her daughter for adoption, a woman who is that daughter and a woman who desperately wants to have her first child.  Their lives intersect like you wouldn’t believe.  I can tell you it’s so much more than just a simple story about three different women. It’s a story about the complexities of life and all it has to behold for us.  It also in my eyes about the strength that a person can have when they are faced with it what in turn makes us who we are.

On a side note…

The song “Little One” by Lucy Schwartz is a song that compliments the film beautifully and now gets played on replay through my ipod…

Hard to find the words but if you watch this film – I’m sure you’ll get what I mean…

Signing off! All my best…

“The greatest sweetner of human life is friendship” Unknown Author

This post is dedicated to my friend who will be remembered tomorrow on her birthday.

Happy Birthday to my AWESOME friend,

You may not be with us anymore but the gift of who you are, most certainly is.

Lots of love, light and laughter,

Emma xoxo

Love:

To me love is forever. It doesn’t go away because that person is longer here.

We remember them for they are forever in our hearts.

Light:

There is always light where there is darkness.

Sometimes we feel we will never find light again, because we are lost through our

dark thoughts… but it’s because we live on in hope that we know it’s there no matter what.

Laughter:

In honor of the truest cliche I know – laughter is the best medicine!

It can pick you up even when you are feeling your most down.

It’s even better when shared!

Here is to friendship and to a true friend whom I still love and always remember.

Where does time go?

It’s five days until I leave for Darwin, seriously when did that happen? I always knew that the time for me to leave for this trip would come but it always seemed far away like somehow it wasn’t going to happen…

When I first put my name down as a person of interest… I thought – oh yeah it could happen, I could be spending 6 weeks in the NT for my final placement etc It will be totally amazing yadda yadda but for some reason in the back of my mind I didn’t actually think it was happening.

Why, I don’t really know?

I don’t think it was until about a month ago that the thought of actually doing this crossed my mind. The plans were in place, it was marked in my diary and I even knew who I was going to be partners with but still somehow I thought that I would still be in Melbourne…

But no it is really happening!

But it isn’t just this trip that has crept up on me it is also the whole year…

I still have vivid memories of celebrating new years – my one wish was that this year had to be better than last year after being as sick as I was  and not even thinking that I would finish my course in the same time as originally planned to now thinking about what job I want… I think I got the 2012 that I hoped for…

The trip will be amazing and will probably make the year for me but if you took that away I would still think that I’ve had a great year…

As simple as it is but not getting sick again is all I needed to get through this year… It was all I needed to say to myself at the end: “I’ve really had a good year”

A lot of people I think when they reflect on a year gone by think that if they haven’t had any grand accomplishments or done ‘amazing’ things like for example a huge OS trip or whatever it is that they want… that they think “oh what a crappy year” but for me a good year really means: being healthy, getting through anything challenging a long the way and just allowing for life to be the best that it can be in the moment…

One of my favourite quotes is

“be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”

I like this because it shows me that everyone out there has hard stuff that they have to deal with and that it isn’t just you. We forget this when we’re the ones that are ‘suffering’ because it does feel like we are the only ones, that we are the only ones going through something, that we are the only ones that feel miserable… But really we’re not. We’re one in a million/billion/trillion and there is probably someone else out there is going through something a lot worse than you are.

I remember when I was admitted to hospital before I had an appendectomy and thinking “oooh this feels so awful… no one else has any idea what this feels like, etc” you know that whole ‘wo as me…life is bad, etc” the common thing for people to do when they’re sick even if it’s just a cold…

Then I got a txt from a friend saying something like “I know how bad it felt before I had my operation, etc” (this friend also no longer has her appendix) and it made me realise how a lot of people have had the exact same operation that I was about to have and that it was going to be ok… plus not only that but I was going to have key hole surgery which is much more simple than how it used to be… so out came “it could be worse”

“it could be worse” last year became something I would say every time I got sick, every time my blood got tested, every time I got asked if I was pregnant, the list goes on…

And you know it’s so true “it could be worse”…

I’m not saying you’re never going to feel awful and when something happens to you especially if you have never had that happen before it is really hard to deal with, it’s tough… It is placed there for you to go through, experience and to face up to…

And I’m sorry to have to say this, but that’s life

Just like this time that is slowly drifting away, it’s going to happen and there really isn’t that much we can do about it. These next five days which is now looking more like 4 1/2 will take the time it takes and at the end of them I will be on a plane heading for Darwin.

The six weeks though that I’m away could actually feel quicker then these next few days – now that’s the scary bit 🙂

To me life is taking the happy/amazing/great/joyful/exciting parts or the sad/horrible/awful parts and being in either of those moments… you have to take all of those things as they are and except that sometimes that is just how it is…

Signing off so I can actually do something about all this packing I have to do… eeeeek!

 

I have writer’s block!!!

I have the urge to write but don’t know what to write. This is a rare occurence for me. A rare occurence indeed. Ususally I can write at any time even if it’s about the most mundane things… But this evening as I decided it was about time to write again – anything, just anything to get me going – I thought but I have nothing that I want to write about…

So instead I’m going to try this thing called a ‘stream of  consciousness’ or a continuous flow of thoughts in writing whereby I write all my thoughts as I think them… goodness I hope this isn’t over sharing

Here we go: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3,2, 1…

What am I afraid of? I’m listening in my mind to this song about someone being afraid of something to do with love but what is that I’m afraid of? Obviously I’m listening to this song because I can in some way I relate to it but I’ve never been in love so am I afraid of it? But I have had a broken heart just not in the traditional sense of it… my eyes are drooping so really I should sleep but I know as soon as I climb into bed it’s not going to happen that’s all I want to write  now… sleep gosh there is a part of me that wishes I wasn’t on holidays…

The sound of my fingers typing is a soothing sound that I like because it means that I’m writing something that’s just for me something that no one has to like it’s just for me just for me that’s what I like best about this typing though is very different to holding a pen or a pencil I feel as though somehow handwriting is nicer than typing…goodness I’m so old-fashioned why am I so old-fashioned?

If you look at my hair you wouldn’t think it was old-fashioned or the act of shaving it off maybe I’m partly old-fashioned and partly not… I miss you, you know… here I am getting that sinking feeling again of missing a person you love wait love in its traditional form isn’t all about the love between man and woman or woman and woman or man and man love can be friend and friend pet and owner etc but come on I am human I want the other kind…

Gosh people could be reading this soon what if I just deleted this entire post. Emma keep your eyes open. No. Go to bed. No awake. Awake is where you’ll be when you feel like this…

I am strong I know it other people know it and if I cry it’s not a sign of weakness it’s not it’s just not…hmmm why not have a sip of hot chocolate with almond milk yes that’s right I spent more than any normal person should on one litre of milk just so I knew what it bloody well tasted like and crap it had to taste so bloody good that I’ll buy it again why just why food for me has become an expense I mean I know I don’t need almond milk but in so many gluten-free recipes they use almond and rice milk so I thought oh what’s the harm in trying this milk it’s meant to be good for you so why bloody not the only problem is because I also didn’t want the milk loaded with sugar I got the bloody organic one I want so much to be healthy so I don’t have to go to fing hospital but I also don’t want to be poor why make people who have fing coeliac disease pay for it out of their hard-earned money why… so back to that crying thing yeah it’s happened

oh good it’s stopped sigh deep breath sigh and deep breath

ok I’m ok

19 days till I fly to Darwin why did I sign up for swirl I mean I know why but now I’m scared I’m excited but lets face it if I was lying I’d be saying I’m so excited and so honoured to be given this opportunity blah w****r is what I would call myself if I said that because it’s not true I mean the teaching thing the story telling thing great the bloody remote thing what was I thinking oh yeah I wanted the challenge crap I have to eat gluten-free food what was I thinking…oh this is stupid I’ll be fine no seriously ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok need to change my thoughts to something different.

Saw “Annie” today it was so fantastic and being able to see it with a great friend made it all the worth while and leaving the theatre we saw a wedding party who gets married in winter idiots. oh there would have been many reasons but seriously idiots.

ok I need to stop this otherwise the whole world if the whole world is reading will know my inner most thoughts and I don’t want that…

 

Activity complete. Back to normal:

It’s always good to write like that once in a while and it got me out of my writer’s block.

If there are readers of this post please don’t take my thoughts too seriously they were literally in the moment I didn’t plan what I was writing they came to me at the moment – also I’m tired so any worry or concern or even a positive emotion has been heightened by 1,000… plus the last time I did this I was in a state of joy and there were very different results I can tell you.

Lesson of today (to writers):

Writing all your thoughts like this can be a great way to ‘unleash’ anything that needs to be taken out of your mind to you free you up and write and also you might be surprised in what you come up with – some great story could come out of it!

*note* I read over what I wrote in the end for spelling and grammar in no way though did I delete anything that I wrote – that would defeat the purpose.

 

 

You’re everywhere to me

Image

(http://abscenes.wordpress.com/tag/andrew-brown-landscape-photography/)

BY THE BOAB TREE – LYRICS:

Sing and I will hear you
No matter where you are
A song to light the darkest night
And guide me from afar

And I will never be alone
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
A reason to believe
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Lay your arms around me
Like the falling rain
Let the feeling drown me
And life begins again

And I will never be afraid
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
The warming of the sun upon
The earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Oh you are somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
And you’re the earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

I listen to this song whenever I need reminding that even when loved ones have left this earth – they are still here in some way or another. A week from today two years ago I lost a dear friend – in fact there were many of us that lost that person. I know though – that there is one thing for sure, her love was never lost and never will be…

I’m writing this now because I know that next week it will be harder to do so…

Dearest Amelia,

You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
A reason to believe
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you…

Forever and always you are in my heart.

Ems xoxoxo

I wrote a poem inspired by the song and of the love for my friend…

Called Love and Allhttp://songbirdwriting.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/love-and-all.html (found here)

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