Happy Mother’s Day and the Mothers Day Classic – 2014!

The last two weeks have been somewhat emotionally exhausting. A dear family friend of mine passed away and as you can imagine my thoughts have been with her and my memories of her. This morning was the Mothers Day Classic an event to raise money for Breast Cancer. For the last five years – one of which I’ve missed due to having my appendix removed I’ve been doing this event as part of Team Amelia. Team Amelia was begun by my very good friend Amelia in support of CanTeen. Her family have continued to do it every year since her passing as a way to remember Amelia and continue to raise money for CanTeen. 

As my family friend – Marg who I mentioned above had Breast Cancer back in 2005 I felt like I wanted to do it for her as well as Amelia. I set off this morning with a bit of late start…oops along with my Mum and a friend of ours… ready to do the walk. Because of the late start it meant we missed meeting up with the team before hand… and by the time we started I ended up separating from Mum and our friend… another oops… 

Somehow though I managed to continue by myself and the more I kept going the more I felt determined and the more I felt as though both Amelia and Marg were there with me. I kept thinking about how both of these people loved doing things like this and how how they have similar traits, etc. About half way through I decided that I wanted to do another lap and then just did it! I kept thinking of them as I did it, I cried a couple of times but also smiled too. I never felt tired, puffed or lonely; I just had quiet determination to keep moving. 

By the time I caught up though with some of the girls from Team Amelia I noticed that I started to feel a little shakey and so I had to stand still for at least 15 minutes before heading home again. I know that it wasn’t a marathon or anything but doing this just felt great. Unfortunately due to not having my myki (a ticket we use for public transport) I ended up walking home as well – although this time at a slower pace… It took me approximately an hour by which time I really was exhausted! 

Because I missed the photos this morning I eventually took this goofy looking one…although I am smiling I do have to admit it is a little ‘put on’ due to being so tired. 

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Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there – especially to of course my own – love you lots!! 

I hope that Melbournians are enjoying the sun today – came out during the walk which was just what we all needed! 

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Back into baking

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I got so excited when I saw the cake tin for these cakes, I honestly couldn’t let them go and had to buy them.

In my quest to get back into baking I thought that I would try making these cakes but with a cake mix. I haven’t done a lot of baking for a while and although I’m pretty good at cakes I thought it best to ease myself into them.

In creating these cakes I knew that I was getting myself into something more than just a simple cake. The process was straight forward… I mean cake mixes are sinch! But as I was doing so I was delving into an array of childhood memories… I had these Babushka dolls when I was a little girl. I remember they had elements of red in them and flowers of some kind.

I remember opening the big doll then the next size up and so forth until I had all the dolls lined up in a row. The trick was getting the dolls back inside and having the pattern perfectly lined up so they didn’t look sloppy and so they closed properly.

I don’t know where mine are anymore which I believe to be sad because if I did then I know I would still have them. I would still keep them as a treasure. I might even on the odd occassion play with them as I did when I was a child.

On the night of my 21st birthday my older brother gave me another set of these dolls. Except these ones were of a teacher. So totally his style. Inside the smallest of the dolls was a butterfly necklace that had purple gems on the wings. It was a beautiful gift. I still have the doll and necklace and although it’s not quite the same as the pretty red one with the flowers, it’s still such a lovely thing to have.

Then sometime last year I caught up with a friend as the days were creeping closer to Christmas. Here in Melbourne we have beautiful arcades in one of them there is a shop full of these dolls. Now my friend here loves these dolls more than me so we had to go in. There were so many different kinds!! I couldn’t believe it, it was incredible. My friend and I started sharing our Babushka doll stories and I learnt more about them then if I had simply googled…

They’ve also become a bit of a trend so I wasn’t all that surprised to find a cake tin that meant you could have Babushka doll cakes but it was still felt pretty good to see them sitting there in the shop.

The icing details may not be perfect but I’m pretty happy with my little creation.

So tempted to have one before dinner but I know that I shouldn’t… 🙂

Signing to be soon be enjoying these delicious sweet looking cakes!

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I’m no longer who I was anymore

I have just read my first post of the year. I’m no longer that person anymore. I cannot believe that in the space of nine months that I have changed as much as I have.

I have learnt so much about who I am in such a short space of time. I can honestly say that I now accept who I am, all that I am and who I will be. Acceptance of myself has given me the freedom to be who I am and just for me.

Today was one of those typical Melbourne days. This morning I left my house and it was cold, arrived to where I was heading and it was muggie, by mid-morning it was stormy, by the afternoon it was steamy and by the time I got home again it was windy and cold. Typical! Typical is all I can say.

The point of me telling you about the weather is that with this ever-changing day I started wearing my jeans as one would normally and decided to roll them up because they had gotten wet and were uncomfortable. I couldn’t be bothered to unroll them back to how they were ‘meant’ to look so I didn’t and on my way home it struck me that I didn’t care. I didn’t care because I actually felt comfortable not just in my rolled up jeans but in my own skin.

Through job-searching and many rejections I’ve realised that none of it actually matters.

We all get there eventually. I want what I want in my life and because I know who I am, my determination and persistence – I know that I will get there.

My Mum told me today that she was proud of me. That’s all a daughter wants, is to make their parents proud and as I see my mother as a person that took on both parental roles; I feel like I’ve done my job. While even though these words are making me cry. It’s not because I’m sad, it’s because I’m happy.

Today was such a great day! I got to spend it with someone who I care about, I very much enjoy her company and felt very much appreciated for me and what I do for people. I arrive home and find a parcel for me. First thought is: uh-oh… I don’t remember ordering something from *insert name of company here* what have I done? I open the parcel. It’s from Pigeon Hole, NT – a 2013 calender of photos of the kids I taught – how wonderful! I end the day with a catch up with Mum and the viewing of “Brave”… I’m exhausted. But I feel great!!

Things will work out in the end. 🙂 The best thing is realising that I know I can do it.

I sit here today as a woman about to experience my next chapter. As I knew but didn’t quite believe back in 2007. Life is beautiful.

Signing off to grab a glass of water and get ready for bed!

My battle with gluten free breakfast!

So today I decided to make myself Quinoa Porridge! It took about half an hour to make which for breakfast is a bit of a drainer, so when I sat down and ate it, I thought to myself: “this better taste good!”

Guess what – it did! It tasted bloody brilliantly in fact. A little sweet so I’ve learnt for next time to add less golden syrup… but a part from that it was warm, crunchy (for the chopped almonds) and incredibly filling!

The afternoon has come and I can still feel a happy stomach and a sigh of relief!

My batttle with gluten free breakfast actually feels like it’s getting easier!

Back in the day before I knew of my Coeliac Disease, breakfast was simple. A couple pieces of toast, fruit and a cup of tea or if I had a bit more time – then I’d treat myself to eggs on toast, maybe even with a bit of bacon.

In the past year or so I’ve been learning what it’s like to live on a gluten free diet and breakfast as been the hardest meal to conquer. I’ve tried everything! From packaged rice porridge, fruit and yoghurt and of course gf cereal. Toast was set aside as gf bread is expensive and it’s hard to find a good loaf out there that isn’t like a brick.  Nothing has seemed to fill me up and I’m usually hungry about an hour after eating! It’s been frustrating as anything plus not exaclty that healthy either. Snacking is NOT a good alternative, that’s for sure.

It’s nice to finally be feeling like I can start the day like most normal people do – with a good breakfast! Since eating the Quinoa Porridge, I have felt fuller and have gained more energy. It put me in the mood to have a productive day. Instead of feeling sluggish and ‘starving’.

Being a coeliac has it’s moments and it’s definetly a learning curve on how to be a better cook in giving myself a healthy, delicious and filling diet. One that I can ensure will give me the most nutritients and thus allowing me to be the best that I can be.  When I discover new recipes like the porridge I made today I am faced with mixed feelings. Somewhere between triumph and feeling excluded. Triumph because I can eat something and enjoy it and exluded because I’m not a part of the ‘normal’ world anymore.

I know that these days being on gluten free diet is easier than it was ten or even five years ago but it doesn’t take away the ‘sucky’ feeling I have when I have to go food shopping, go to a restaurant, a friend’s house, a party or can’t be bothered and want take-way. There isn’t really an easy way out and today with my porridge I’m ok with that but maybe tomorrow things won’t be so easy.

I know I have to stick to the diet for my health and stay positive which I do with all my determination. But all I’m saying is – sometimes I wish I didn’t have to. Sometimes I wish I could walk across the road and buy some fish and chips and finish off the meal with an ice-cream in a cone – now that would be a real treat!!

In the meantime: here’s to brekky! You don’t know how amazing it is until you can longer find a simple way to enjoy it.

Signing off so I can more fun learning how to be a better gluten free cook! 🙂

 

 

 

 

Film Review: “Mother and Child”

Sorry for being out of communication for a while I was working hard on finishing my degree!! Completeling my last assignment, handing it in and presenting it in front of a panel of peers and a lecturer/my assessor – scary, scary, scary!! However I can now safely say that I’m that much closer to being a teacher! I don’t have much to say at about it at the moment as it’s still sinking in so I thought I’d write a film review instead. Here goes:

This film really took me by surprise. It is a film that resonated with me not because I’m a mother – which I’m not but because I’m human.

Although as the title suggests it is centred around the relationship between mother and child to me it is more about the realities of human life.

In one person’s lifetime they can experience a myriad of change. Change can be seen as a blessing or a burden.

The changes that I’ve endured through-out my life have seen me smile, cry, fall in a heap, conquering challenges, see a new outlook on life and ultimately grow as a person. I believe that all people have more similarities than differences and that this film captures this brilliantly.

The best part about this film is watching how these people face what life presents us and in a raw and humanistic style. There is no denying how people really are. It is through these people’s emotions, needs and thoughts that we see ourselves. We see how we want to be perceived, how society views people and how we truly are.

At the heart of it of course is that relationship between mother and child. We watch the lives of three women and their ‘journey’ A woman who gave up her daughter for adoption, a woman who is that daughter and a woman who desperately wants to have her first child.  Their lives intersect like you wouldn’t believe.  I can tell you it’s so much more than just a simple story about three different women. It’s a story about the complexities of life and all it has to behold for us.  It also in my eyes about the strength that a person can have when they are faced with it what in turn makes us who we are.

On a side note…

The song “Little One” by Lucy Schwartz is a song that compliments the film beautifully and now gets played on replay through my ipod…

Hard to find the words but if you watch this film – I’m sure you’ll get what I mean…

Signing off! All my best…

It’s strange but good to be home!

 

 

 

 

I’ve just come home from living in a very remote community in the Northern Territory, Australia. I was there for a six week teaching placement and have to say that although my days and weeks were difficult, challenging and I struggled a bit even with thoughts of wanting to go home, that it was one of the best, amazing and inspirational experiences that I have ever had in my life so far. In fact now that I’m home even though I’m very happy to be here I’ve started to realise how desperately I would have liked to stay. I’m tired, missing the kids and finding it hard to adjust being back in Melbourne.

I can tell you being back here and re-adjusting to Melbourne life is almost harder than my first week in the community I was in and it’s mainly due to being around lots of people and also being in my room alone… When I first arrived in that community, all I thought was how blissfully peaceful it was and how nice it was with the sun going down as we were un-packing the car.

The first challenge that I had to face was living in a school library, only having a cold tap at the sink, de-frosting meat for all our cooking and having to check for frogs and toads in the toilet. As the weeks progressed I noticed how much I was missing simple comforts of life and a lot of things that I took for granted.

Amongst having to boil a kettle for washing dishes, I started to miss sitting on a couch, I wasn’t able to use my personal laptop for connecting to the internet (instead was supplied with the use of a school’s one), the internet itself was slow so no blogging etc, all the food I had to eat was already there and apart from a really expensive and basic shop there was no backup. We were five hours to the nearest town so there was also the factor of isolation. If it wasn’t for my fellow student teacher I quite possibly would have gone home earlier than originally planned – she was the person who I talked to, cooked with, worked with, watch movies with, etc and I’m happy to report I have made a new friend!

Apart from the teaching we were able to get go down to the local river, go for walks and when back in Katherine on a school trip see some amazing sights! A boat cruise down Katherine Gorge was probably the high-light, with amazing cliffs, clear water and a place to swim – you could not have asked for anything better to do!

Now that I’m home I’m asking myself – did it really happen? Because it almost feels like it didn’t. I’m sitting here in my room thinking – what am I doing here? I should be somewhere else, shouldn’t I? I’ve been to have a “real” coffee, eat at the Vic Markets with my Dad, gone to the milkbar because I was out of milk, sit on my bed, pat my cat and say hello to some of house-mates. The funniest part about coming back to Melbourne is apart from seeing family and friends the two things that I’m looking forward to the most is being able to use a hot tap and sitting on a couch!

I never thought I would be excited by such simple things, but there you go.

It’s strange and good to be home and there is not much else to say.

Signing off while thinking to myself – wow I can actually blog again!

 

 

 

This anxious excited feeling!!

I go from feeling so excited that I’m literally jumping up and down to feeling so nervous I can’t eat some days in a manner of minutes and this is all because of this year. It’s roughly 5 -6 months before I will  have finished my course and will become a graduate teacher and each day, each week and each month I get just a little bit closer to end of the line.

Today is a good example of feeling really excited… before I was sitting in my kitchen writing an action plan – a tedious assignment placed there to torture us by our lecturers and even though it’s a drag to complete it felt necessary to complete. It was interesting to see where I am now and what I plan to do to achieve what I need to before the end of the year. If all goes well then a job will be in my sights!!

After tackling this work I went for a driving lesson, during this lesson my instructor said that I was doing really well and by the end he said it will probably only be a few more lessons before I’m driving with ease. With this in the back of my mind I could see that things were coming together…

Then I relayed my thoughts during a phone call to Mum and started to feel anxious again – I was back in the spiral!!

So I decided I needed to be here and right a post about it, besides it ties in nicely with all ideas behind this blog anyway so it does make sense!

It’s great to feel like I’m actually achieving something through doing this teaching degree. It’s not just that I’ll have a job. It’s a dream that I’ve had for a very long time that will actually come true. It’s the marks/grades I’ve received since I’ve started and it’s looking back at where I was when I began to where I am now.

The best bit is – I actually believe that it’s happening. I believe that I am capable and that once I get there I’ll be great.

I say this because it’s taken me through my entire education to believe so – that is also an achievement. To go from a kid with a lack of self-esteem and thinking that I couldn’t do much in the world to now believing that I can and will gives me such an amazing feeling…

For once I don’t need other people to point it out and better still I’m not second guessing when they do… My response isn’t a shy “Oh really??” it’s a confident “Thank-you!” and a facial expression that shows I agree!!

I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way – I’m sure there are plenty of people who have… but seriously it’s great, it makes me cry – in a good way and it makes me not want to settle for less, plus I also feel a somewhat sense of assertivness…not too over-powering as it’s not in my nature…but you know – I just feel good!!

I thought that I would keep this short – to say the end is near yikes/yay – and that persistence and hard work pays off. The thought of know that I’m nearly there makes me want to strive even more to get there and really do it!!

Give life a real crack otherwise there is no point – we only have one chance at it after all!

To my fellow Education P-12 students: we’re so close so lets keep at it, before we know it – we’ll blink and be graduate teachers!!!

Oh my goodness!!

Signing off to go make something to eat!! 🙂

 

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