If we didn’t have to work for a living…

I am asking the question – if we didn’t have to work for a living what would we do with our time? Do we work because we need the income or do we also do it because it’s fulfilling, it gives us a sense of purpose etc? It’s probably a bit of both but would we still work if we didn’t have to?

I am in the transition phase of life from just finishing my degree and starting my career. There are some days where life just feels like a series of steps, a series of things people need to complete in order to get through life.

Once we are born we come into a world that is completely unknown, we are taken care of by our parents, family members, friends and even strangers. When I look back to my child-hood although my Mother was the one I would say raised me, brought me up and did most of the work. There were other people there that came into my life and looked after me.

As I got older and in particular when my parents separated and later got divorced I learnt more about how to look after myself – for me the process of looking after myself started at about 6 or 7 years old. I still had other people around who I could depend upon but with my mother now being single I had to do more for myself.

It started with simple things like tieing my hair in a pony-tail but eventually I learnt to cook, do my washing and take myself to school.

I came out of school and was soon living in student accommodation and once again I was doing more myself and learning more about what I wanted for me.

By now I had completed both Primary and Secondary School and was about to start my degree.

The point that I’m trying to get at is that if you think about it once we are born we have a series of life lessons that need to be done before another lesson can begin. To the point where they are never-ending right up until we are no longer here.

I’m not saying that life is predictable or clear. Life does get in the way, we are presented with challenges and sometimes those “steps” have to be altered and changed in order to still get to where we want to go.

But where exactly are we going? If we can’t live forever is there is point? What would happen if we all decided to live on benefits?
Is that even possible?

For me being a teacher isn’t because of the money because lets face it I’m not going to earn a huge sum of money by doing my job. I’m doing it because I want to make a difference in the world. Plus I know that even if I didn’t need money for food, rent and bills I’d still do it. I can honestly say that I have enough love for what I got my degree in to do regardless of the money.

If I had more time just for me I would probably do more art, baking, writing, reading, watching of movies, etc. Not every day would be jam-packed and I probably wouldn’t get up early and decide that 9ish would be the earliest I’d wake up and I’d love to live in my trackies/pjs and not have to really worry about how I looked. But would I love my life? Honestly no, I don’t think I would. I can’t imagine not working with children in any way shape or form. As a nanny/babysitter, teacher or with what I’m doing now with before and after school care.

Everyday I feel so lucky to be a part of the lives that I’m a part of. Some of these kids are at school each day from 7:15am to 6pm at night, they have homework, extra-curricular activities/sport, parties, weekends away, etc. Their childhood isn’t exactly what I’d call easy. It’s pretty full-on.

The weekends and school holidays are for me time. If another person comes into my life some day then he will be included. But for now I can enjoy my spare time. I can enjoy my work and my hobbies. I think I’m pretty fortunate. My job to me isn’t simply a job and I cherish the time I have for myself.

I would rather be blissfully happy earning little than miserable earning a lot.

Signing off – Happy Saturday!!

 

I can go the distance!

3pjudr

I’m inspired by Disney as though I’m still a little girl – but this song although I’m not aspiring to be a hero I feel is very reminiscent of what I am trying to achieve. I think that if I didn’t do everything in my power to achieve my life goals then I wouldn’t have the same satisfaction as I did once I got there.

If finding a job takes more than 70 job applications with most of them being rejected before I find the school that’s right for me then, then so be it.

I want this more than anything at this stage of my life and I will do what it takes to get there.

If it means singing a long to songs such as “I can go the distance” featured in the Disney film “Hercules” in order to help in boosting my confidence than so be it. I have to hold on to the belief that I will get there in the end.

Like anything I’ve so far achieved, it takes what it takes to get there and I just have to do what that is!

In the meantime – got anymore Disney songs I can sing to reflect how I’m feeling??

Signing of for more singing! 🙂

Woah… short post!

It’s strange but good to be home!

 

 

 

 

I’ve just come home from living in a very remote community in the Northern Territory, Australia. I was there for a six week teaching placement and have to say that although my days and weeks were difficult, challenging and I struggled a bit even with thoughts of wanting to go home, that it was one of the best, amazing and inspirational experiences that I have ever had in my life so far. In fact now that I’m home even though I’m very happy to be here I’ve started to realise how desperately I would have liked to stay. I’m tired, missing the kids and finding it hard to adjust being back in Melbourne.

I can tell you being back here and re-adjusting to Melbourne life is almost harder than my first week in the community I was in and it’s mainly due to being around lots of people and also being in my room alone… When I first arrived in that community, all I thought was how blissfully peaceful it was and how nice it was with the sun going down as we were un-packing the car.

The first challenge that I had to face was living in a school library, only having a cold tap at the sink, de-frosting meat for all our cooking and having to check for frogs and toads in the toilet. As the weeks progressed I noticed how much I was missing simple comforts of life and a lot of things that I took for granted.

Amongst having to boil a kettle for washing dishes, I started to miss sitting on a couch, I wasn’t able to use my personal laptop for connecting to the internet (instead was supplied with the use of a school’s one), the internet itself was slow so no blogging etc, all the food I had to eat was already there and apart from a really expensive and basic shop there was no backup. We were five hours to the nearest town so there was also the factor of isolation. If it wasn’t for my fellow student teacher I quite possibly would have gone home earlier than originally planned – she was the person who I talked to, cooked with, worked with, watch movies with, etc and I’m happy to report I have made a new friend!

Apart from the teaching we were able to get go down to the local river, go for walks and when back in Katherine on a school trip see some amazing sights! A boat cruise down Katherine Gorge was probably the high-light, with amazing cliffs, clear water and a place to swim – you could not have asked for anything better to do!

Now that I’m home I’m asking myself – did it really happen? Because it almost feels like it didn’t. I’m sitting here in my room thinking – what am I doing here? I should be somewhere else, shouldn’t I? I’ve been to have a “real” coffee, eat at the Vic Markets with my Dad, gone to the milkbar because I was out of milk, sit on my bed, pat my cat and say hello to some of house-mates. The funniest part about coming back to Melbourne is apart from seeing family and friends the two things that I’m looking forward to the most is being able to use a hot tap and sitting on a couch!

I never thought I would be excited by such simple things, but there you go.

It’s strange and good to be home and there is not much else to say.

Signing off while thinking to myself – wow I can actually blog again!

 

 

 

Regaining my imagination…

I want to write a story that is based on the home/house that I grew up in and possibly then have it extend to other areas of Australia that I’ve been…

I’m about to go to the Northern Territory!! I will be living and working in Pigeon Hole for six weeks and will get to be amongst the people of that community… This trip is part of what is called SWIRL or Story-writing in rural locations and is run by my uni and also happens to be my last ever teaching placement.

I am so excited, scared, and simply just awaiting all the possibilities of what will come from this experience.

When asked “what do you wish to bring?” I thought and thought for an appropriate response and came up with – an open mind. I think in this case instead of being the teacher I will be very much the learner. I don’t really know what I’m getting into, about where I’m going, what to expect or how I’ll cope living in such a remote area.

Some people might think I’m mad and I’m happy to accept that, maybe I’m mad and maybe we’re all mad. But what good would it be if all we did was sit at home and did not take on adventures like this? I don’t think I’m any less mad than someone deciding to go to Europe by themselves, am I? 

I feel very much inspired by this and I think it might have something to with always wanting to be a story-teller. For some reason creative writing to me as always been something that even though I have had to work at (a lot!!) I have still very much enjoyed…Some of this comes through with reasons as to why I wanted to be a teacher as well so equally it’s both just great!

I want to write about home because no matter how I far I am from it I’m always thinking about it, it’s always there in the back of my mind, I have such a love for the place that I grew up in that I think wherever I go it will be with me… People have often said that home is where the heart is amongst other sayings of similar ilk but to me – home is where the cat sits on your lap and where you find fairies hiding in the garden.  For me I wasn’t the one who moved – it was my mum… I have lived in other places since she moved out and am now back here but without her… It’s a long story!!!

The idea behind my ‘home is…’ is that I have a cat (last year I had two cats 😦 ) and wherever he goes I feel at home because he is comforting. The fairies though are because when I was a child I very much believed in them and I think even as an adult if you look at a garden very closely you can see that somehow they are there – they take you wherever you need to go and I think that comes back to them being ‘make believe’ or ‘magic’ – they create the colours, the leaves, the petals, the branches, the soil, etc of what makes the garden so beautiful and warm. Because they can fly – they fly with you…and it doesn’t matter where you are or who you live with…

{I think that our mind can very much be in a ‘real’ world and in a ‘fantasy’ world… ‘real’ = cat ‘fantasy’ = fairies…}

 

I am very lucky to live in an old terrace house… The floor boards creek under feet, there are cracks in the walls, there is a door with an old-fashioned key that allows you to enter a part of the garden…

My imagination as a child would be racing with stories… Stories of a made up past; I used to think of so many past lives that this house had and so many fantasy style lives that this house had…

They were intertwined with other people’s imaginations but my favourite stories were those that were merged with the author of the Secret Garden, the Little Princess and Little Lord Fauntleroy — I remember creating my own secret garden and pretending that I lived in boarding school. The funny thing was that I took these imaginings with me…

There was an old brick building as big as big could be… It had tennis courts you see… I used to walk past dreaming of whom lived there and dreaming of all they could have had… What was this place so grand and strange…? I wonder? Who lives there?

Little did I know that red brick building that I used to imagine as a grand house was the school that I attended… I laugh now when I think back to that child who was me but in the same light I also wish I had that same imagination.

Imagination is lost somehow and that loss begins when we go to school… Is it possible to harness it and not drag it down? I don’t it’s primary school, I think it comes more once we reach secondary school…

Hopefully I can allow the very real stories of the children in the NT to open my mind to a whole new world of stories, stories that have been passed down from generation to generation and stories that will keep being passed on. I’m writing this now with anxious butterflies in my stomach just thinking of what is ahead of me…

Goodness!!!

Signing off to get some rest. 🙂 


 

I have writer’s block!!!

I have the urge to write but don’t know what to write. This is a rare occurence for me. A rare occurence indeed. Ususally I can write at any time even if it’s about the most mundane things… But this evening as I decided it was about time to write again – anything, just anything to get me going – I thought but I have nothing that I want to write about…

So instead I’m going to try this thing called a ‘stream of  consciousness’ or a continuous flow of thoughts in writing whereby I write all my thoughts as I think them… goodness I hope this isn’t over sharing

Here we go: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3,2, 1…

What am I afraid of? I’m listening in my mind to this song about someone being afraid of something to do with love but what is that I’m afraid of? Obviously I’m listening to this song because I can in some way I relate to it but I’ve never been in love so am I afraid of it? But I have had a broken heart just not in the traditional sense of it… my eyes are drooping so really I should sleep but I know as soon as I climb into bed it’s not going to happen that’s all I want to write  now… sleep gosh there is a part of me that wishes I wasn’t on holidays…

The sound of my fingers typing is a soothing sound that I like because it means that I’m writing something that’s just for me something that no one has to like it’s just for me just for me that’s what I like best about this typing though is very different to holding a pen or a pencil I feel as though somehow handwriting is nicer than typing…goodness I’m so old-fashioned why am I so old-fashioned?

If you look at my hair you wouldn’t think it was old-fashioned or the act of shaving it off maybe I’m partly old-fashioned and partly not… I miss you, you know… here I am getting that sinking feeling again of missing a person you love wait love in its traditional form isn’t all about the love between man and woman or woman and woman or man and man love can be friend and friend pet and owner etc but come on I am human I want the other kind…

Gosh people could be reading this soon what if I just deleted this entire post. Emma keep your eyes open. No. Go to bed. No awake. Awake is where you’ll be when you feel like this…

I am strong I know it other people know it and if I cry it’s not a sign of weakness it’s not it’s just not…hmmm why not have a sip of hot chocolate with almond milk yes that’s right I spent more than any normal person should on one litre of milk just so I knew what it bloody well tasted like and crap it had to taste so bloody good that I’ll buy it again why just why food for me has become an expense I mean I know I don’t need almond milk but in so many gluten-free recipes they use almond and rice milk so I thought oh what’s the harm in trying this milk it’s meant to be good for you so why bloody not the only problem is because I also didn’t want the milk loaded with sugar I got the bloody organic one I want so much to be healthy so I don’t have to go to fing hospital but I also don’t want to be poor why make people who have fing coeliac disease pay for it out of their hard-earned money why… so back to that crying thing yeah it’s happened

oh good it’s stopped sigh deep breath sigh and deep breath

ok I’m ok

19 days till I fly to Darwin why did I sign up for swirl I mean I know why but now I’m scared I’m excited but lets face it if I was lying I’d be saying I’m so excited and so honoured to be given this opportunity blah w****r is what I would call myself if I said that because it’s not true I mean the teaching thing the story telling thing great the bloody remote thing what was I thinking oh yeah I wanted the challenge crap I have to eat gluten-free food what was I thinking…oh this is stupid I’ll be fine no seriously ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok need to change my thoughts to something different.

Saw “Annie” today it was so fantastic and being able to see it with a great friend made it all the worth while and leaving the theatre we saw a wedding party who gets married in winter idiots. oh there would have been many reasons but seriously idiots.

ok I need to stop this otherwise the whole world if the whole world is reading will know my inner most thoughts and I don’t want that…

 

Activity complete. Back to normal:

It’s always good to write like that once in a while and it got me out of my writer’s block.

If there are readers of this post please don’t take my thoughts too seriously they were literally in the moment I didn’t plan what I was writing they came to me at the moment – also I’m tired so any worry or concern or even a positive emotion has been heightened by 1,000… plus the last time I did this I was in a state of joy and there were very different results I can tell you.

Lesson of today (to writers):

Writing all your thoughts like this can be a great way to ‘unleash’ anything that needs to be taken out of your mind to you free you up and write and also you might be surprised in what you come up with – some great story could come out of it!

*note* I read over what I wrote in the end for spelling and grammar in no way though did I delete anything that I wrote – that would defeat the purpose.

 

 

Oh Baby It’s Cold Outside!

You know you are on holidays when it gets to 3:00am and you’re still awake. The day couldn’t have gone any slower and your pjs become the attire of choice…unless you need to buy chocolate. Well at least this is what happens in winter. Winter days are filled with dreaming up your next hearty but comforting dish and you can’t help but to indulge on baked goods… and knowing that tomorrow you’ll be wearing 3 jumpers just to keep warm makes it all the worth-while. This morning I nearly decided that  I would read all day long with a cup of tea and a cat on my lap, but as I realised there were forms to fill in for my up-coming N.T trip this wasn’t going to be possible…

But I will make it up to myself 🙂

At this point in time though it’s not just that I’m on holidays it’s also that I’m really close to finishing my degree! The day that I never thought would come is soon here and although I’m excited I can’t help but to take a big swallow and sigh!!

I cannot believe that I’m sitting here half-way to finishing my degree – I keep having this terrible dream that I’m in a classroom on my first day and all I do is stare at the kids… I don’t know what to do on my first day – I will, I know I will…but in the back of my mind I’m second-guessing myself… It’s almost like I need other people to stop saying that I’ll be fine and to say I’ll be rubbish – just so I can be determined to prove to them they’re wrong…but that’s crazy!!!!!

All these irrational thoughts are crazy… I just hope I’m not the only on thinking them…

Am I the only one thinking them?

This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!

Why do I do this to myself? Think like this?

I guess it’s partly human nature and partly going back to not believing in myself and also partly totally normal but still!!

Urggghhh…

I’m sure it will all come into place I just sometimes wish we didn’t have to go through all of this before it did or that I could just magically see exactly where I’ll be next year.

Ahhh I seriously dislike not knowing what I’ll be doing…

This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!

*deep breath*

Tonight I will dream:

Knowing what to do, knowing that mistakes are ok and knowing that I will be ok no matter what happens.

Tomorrow I will:

Write a list of things that still needs to happen before NT and tick them off as I do them so that I’m not sitting around stressing

and then we’ll go from there…

Is it too late to bake a cake?

I’m conjuring in my mind the perfect layered cake perfectly decorated, GF and utterly delicious…

Right now… maybe I’ll have a sneaky scoop of ice-cream with drinking chocolate on top? hmmm yes… Ice-cream in winter that’s what we all need!!

Ok. Good plan.

Lets go and execute it!!!

Lesson of the day (haven’t done one for ages…):

RELAX! It’s all good. 🙂

Signing off to make a yummy concoction.

This anxious excited feeling!!

I go from feeling so excited that I’m literally jumping up and down to feeling so nervous I can’t eat some days in a manner of minutes and this is all because of this year. It’s roughly 5 -6 months before I will  have finished my course and will become a graduate teacher and each day, each week and each month I get just a little bit closer to end of the line.

Today is a good example of feeling really excited… before I was sitting in my kitchen writing an action plan – a tedious assignment placed there to torture us by our lecturers and even though it’s a drag to complete it felt necessary to complete. It was interesting to see where I am now and what I plan to do to achieve what I need to before the end of the year. If all goes well then a job will be in my sights!!

After tackling this work I went for a driving lesson, during this lesson my instructor said that I was doing really well and by the end he said it will probably only be a few more lessons before I’m driving with ease. With this in the back of my mind I could see that things were coming together…

Then I relayed my thoughts during a phone call to Mum and started to feel anxious again – I was back in the spiral!!

So I decided I needed to be here and right a post about it, besides it ties in nicely with all ideas behind this blog anyway so it does make sense!

It’s great to feel like I’m actually achieving something through doing this teaching degree. It’s not just that I’ll have a job. It’s a dream that I’ve had for a very long time that will actually come true. It’s the marks/grades I’ve received since I’ve started and it’s looking back at where I was when I began to where I am now.

The best bit is – I actually believe that it’s happening. I believe that I am capable and that once I get there I’ll be great.

I say this because it’s taken me through my entire education to believe so – that is also an achievement. To go from a kid with a lack of self-esteem and thinking that I couldn’t do much in the world to now believing that I can and will gives me such an amazing feeling…

For once I don’t need other people to point it out and better still I’m not second guessing when they do… My response isn’t a shy “Oh really??” it’s a confident “Thank-you!” and a facial expression that shows I agree!!

I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way – I’m sure there are plenty of people who have… but seriously it’s great, it makes me cry – in a good way and it makes me not want to settle for less, plus I also feel a somewhat sense of assertivness…not too over-powering as it’s not in my nature…but you know – I just feel good!!

I thought that I would keep this short – to say the end is near yikes/yay – and that persistence and hard work pays off. The thought of know that I’m nearly there makes me want to strive even more to get there and really do it!!

Give life a real crack otherwise there is no point – we only have one chance at it after all!

To my fellow Education P-12 students: we’re so close so lets keep at it, before we know it – we’ll blink and be graduate teachers!!!

Oh my goodness!!

Signing off to go make something to eat!! 🙂

 

This so called modern-life we live in…

Is is just me or does everything feel like a big deal to people these days?

A) You can’t say that or he/she’ll will be offended

B) You have to be really careful about what you name your baby or otherwise they’ll be stuck with something boring or be teased – yet Apple or Cruz is somehow accepted because that baby belongs to a celebrity… and Molly spelt Mollie is also ok, because at least then the spelling is unique… heaven forbid people stick with Sarah or Alex…

C) Your children have to live in amazingly decorated rooms cos otherwise they will have no friends

D) Your child’s first birthday party or any birthday party for your child has to include a jumping castle, a face painter, pass the parcel with carefully selected paper – also properly decorated because apparently newspaper isn’t the way to go anymore, plus goodie bags without lollies and instead healthy snacks cos no child is allowed fairy bread anymore even on their birthday

D) Children under five mustn’t watch T.V – it will most certainly rot their brain or worse – have them not being able to read before they go to school

E) You have to have a completely super organised house – otherwise all your friends will have to go out to dinner cos otherwise it’ll be too shameful to have them over

F) There is a gadget for everything and if you dare go outside without the latest kindle then don’t even dare leaving the house again

G) Don’t enjoy being pregnant and expecting your first child just feel the ‘pressure’ of doing everything right – don’t forget if you eat sandwich meat your baby will die…

H) Don’t yell at children ever – cos their self esteem will be shattered and if you can’t yell then don’t slap either…

I) If you’re not married when you decide to have children then forget it everyone will ‘out’ you

J) Replace all lollies with carrot sticks cos clearly we can’t enjoy food anymore

K) On the topic of food if it’s not organic then don’t buy it – cos you’re just going to get glared get at by the check-out chick

L) Refuse, Reuse, Recycle – everything or else!

M) Safe the world. If you don’t donate to 100 causes a week then really you shouldn’t be allowed to live

N) You got your coffee from where? No don’t go there, the person doesn’t use the foam to make sure it’s presented with a pretty bird on a tree branch on top and the barista doesn’t make the milk hot enough so it burns your toung…

O) I buy all my clothes, gifts, etc online, plus get all my food and essentials home delivered, plus I just don’t leave the house because I don’t have anytime yet I’m sitting here on my computer blogging about how I don’t have time… and really this sentence is taking all my time… where has all the time gone

P) I can’t call  my friends anymore let alone see them because of my busy lifestyle

Q) I have a Nintendo Wii to do yoga and play tennis because really any sort of exercise done outdoors I can’t stand and doesn’t fit in with my life…cos it’s just so hectic

R) and continuing with this topic – the other day I had to look up this great word – Relax when my friend told me I should do it more often… I thought sounds great – but really where can I fit it in

S) As a teacher I have to remember to say chalkboard, not to sing baa baa black sheep, to talk to all the parents as though their children are angels and gifted, to make sure I never show my students that I’m human , etc – but do I also need to say interactive felt-tip pen board… should I have a melt-down now to get it over and done with – because clearly it’s inevitable…

T) When I become a mother I’ll have to hire a nanny, casual babysitter, night nurse, etc and only talk to them when they really need to…because all those activities that they’ll have to go to I just won’t be able to take them to… plus simply reading them a story is just too much of a hassle

U) Where are all my hair and beauty essentials… I may only be going to buy milk…but seriously you never know who you’ll bump into… oh my gosh here comes another melt-down…

V) Did I tell you about Facebook, blogger, tumblr, you tube, pinterest, this site that I’m on now, twitter, google plus and whatever else I’ve used to divulge everything about my personal life on? I mean seriously if you don’t go look at one those pages, then the photos from the latest party/wedding/christening/house-warming/gig/*insert event here* that I went to – or the video footage of my child’s birth will not be shown to you because I’m a private person and don’t really want people to see those things…but seriously you probably don’t want to see all the details anyway. 😉

W) Did you watch the latest of junior masterchef? Since when do children know how to not just make cupcakes or cookies with icing on top – but things that I don’t even know how to pronounce

X) When you do find the time to catch up with friends, don’t forget to document the entire outing on Facebook via your phone so that everyone can know what you’re up to – heaven forbid you actually talk to your friend

Y) If you dare let any of my children near dirt then I’ll blame you when they they’re allergic to everything… oh and please make sure you use the detol soap dispenser that you don’t actually touch…

Z) School, Uni, Career, Marriage, Kids, there is no other way to life really and if you don’t live by this standard then clearly you don’t have a life and if you turn up to your kids graduation at the age of anywhere between 40-50 then really you were far to young to be having children because really we’re not allowed to have kids until 35 and no younger because before then is just too young. My mother was 25 when she had my brother – what do you say to that?

HA HA HA HA HA HA I am evil.

Ok – so just a heads up – most of these ‘complaints’ are me joking and I’m not really being serious. But I do think that we all need to relax including myself. Your life is your life it shouldn’t be mapped out according to what other people say and you should just live it the way you wish.

Even if you do, do the things on this list – it’s ok.

Can we stop judging and criticising people because clearly by the fact that I came up with about 26 ideas on how people ‘should’ live their lives – is a statement in itself…

I’m sick of reading articles titled with “The pressures of pregnancy” “How to decorate your child’s room” “We all seem to have allergies or food intolerance” “There are women as young as 20 deciding to get a sperm donation – what a shock” “Baa baa black sheep banned from childcare centres” or watching ads that are advertising these products that allow children to learn how to read before they get to school…

I see parents on the streets negotiating with their children about their behaviour – what happened to “Come here NOW!” or a slap on a wrist – I don’t agree with bashing your children or making out like their bad people… but I got yelled at or had small hits on my wrist  and usually it was because I was crossing the road without mum or about to touch the stove… and I’ve turned out to be a pretty normal and genuinely good person…

Lesson of the day:

Chill out!!! It’s ok if your apple came from the supermarket and you gave your child a lolly snake.

Language development is important before a child gets to kindergarten/school but we have teachers for a reason.

Signing out as I’m about to spend time with my mother and brother whom I love very much!

If you could write to the world – what would you say?

I wrote another poem and posted it on my other blog- which I wanted to leave just for poems. It’s title is “I want to write to world and say:”

When I was writing it I was thinking about stars and how powerful they are. They are beautiful, people wish upon them as though they hold some great power, we sometimes look up at them and think about our dreams, etc…

But is it realistic for us to do this, when they are so far away? They are bigger than just tiny dots too – it’s really pretty hard to imagine how big they are, etc…

Then somehow I started writing about flowers – and how maybe we should turn to them, because really we are more like them than stars if you think about it… right? But then again people don’t really look at stars and think – Oh I wish I could be one… unless you’re thinking about celebrities and if you think about it, most of that is all fake or hyped up by press and the public that get caught into it.

I guess really what I was thinking of is that no matter who we are and what we are doing with our lives or even where we come from… our goals, dreams, wishes are all reachable and we will figure out who we are in our own time.

The flower part of the poem is about being able to see where we can grow and where we can go with personal growth and that, that growth is forever continuous.

We shouldn’t rely on what we see in the stars to get us to where we want to be. We don’t need a time-line to do things in. We certainly need to stop worrying about what others are doing and where they are at, because we are all different and we just need to relax.

If we all saw happiness in a wish upon a star then personal growth wouldn’t occur because we would just sit around and wait for that wish to come true…that’s not really that helpful…

Right now, I wish I could articulate what I was saying much better than I am, but I can’t and have to accept that I’m just having one of those days…

Goodness, I slept through my alarm and missed uni (ah shock to system!! LOL) and instead did a huge load of washing… watched a couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls Season 1…I’ve decided that it’s inevitable that I will watch Gilmore Girls annually – no matter how I avoid it as I have seen it almost  too much for one person to ever see of a tv show… I watched YouTube videos, have been grazing all day, been sorting my homework so it’s easier to do, read emails… looked at etsy…looked at my room as a job for another day and have now decided to do some writing.

A) To get it out of my system

B) because if I don’t then I will cry instead…

I am NOT sitting here feeling miserable or anything… but it’s just this day – maybe yesterday leaked into today and tried to take it over…

cos yesterday was horribly boring, dull and oh-so draining…

yesterday my problems were not so far away but as close as the keyboard is to my fingers…

I felt like my dreams and hopes for the future of teaching was taken in an instant in these poor little preps and grade ones and what was put upon them

Reading and writing ALL day and all because their normal teacher was away on camp and they were given a reading recovering lady…

My first impression of her was seen through her facial expression of sheer drudgery and disdain

Her: Are you a student?

Me: Yes

Her: umph! (cranky facial expression that was absorbed through-out the room and the day yet to come)

Her: Oh ok… what year are you?

Me: Fourth (said with a smile)

Her: Oh good! (As she gave a wicked witch’s gleam…)

Her: Did you have anything prepared for today, cos I don’t mind if you have things you need to do

Me: No, I’m normally with the grade 5/6s

Her: Oh then you can just chill then because I was going to do lots of writing and reading in the morning then think of something for the afternoon…

Me: Ok, I’m happy with whatever you ask me to do (BIG mistake)

– conversation continued like this for a little while… then the bell rang…

She snapped through the morning as those poor kids just sat there and there I was doing nothing (well roaming and small group stuff…)

But I’m a fourth year student! I should be given challenges – put me on the spot, throw me in the deep end – that’s what I’m here for – otherwise next year I will sink, like someone has never been sunk before…

By the afternoon I was ecstatic and jumping up and down (inside) because of how happy I was …
I rushed off to meet mum at her work a usual thing I do on my way home from placement… and vented my frustrations with hot chocolate in hand…

We talked about a whole lot of other stuff and was relieved to go home

had an early night and slept like I never slept before

and now we are up to today…

The day was actually brilliant but gave me time to really think… perfect for my assignment that is due tomorrow as it’s a  reflection writing piece, but not so good for my mind as it’s now full of thoughts that aren’t escaping…

The point though is though – what do we want for the world?

Apart from a better environment and for everyone to have access to clean water – etc, the list is endless…

What do we want: really?

Do we want to simply be happy? To have love? To make babies? To be able to eat great food? To explore where we all come from?

To experience personal growth?

Just to live?

To be alive, sounds pretty good to me… I have a friend who doesn’t want to turn 30 – to avoid her birthday as though it can’t happen… but then I have a friend who didn’t make it to 21 and an uncle who is on his way to 60 (he has a few years yet…) – who said to me around the time of his last birthday when I asked if it was a good one?

That every birthday is a good one because it’s another year that I’m alive

Can we ask of the world to simply just be alive? Or is that too big of a question…

What is it that we should ask?

To love one another – where is this love, is it possible to find for everyone…

I know what I’m asking is huge but I guess that’s what I’m saying in the poem. It’s a huge idea to look up at the stars and to think that, that they hold all the answers and that one wish when wish upon them will surely come true and change our lives forever.

Lesson of today:

We need to ponder these questions not so we then try to solve all world problems but to ask it of ourselves and we what we want.

Also write down your thoughts so that they have somewhere to go.

Signing off so that I can eat dinner and finish that assignment that’s due tomorrow!

Link to poem and other blog – if you are interested in reading:

http://songbirdwriting.blogspot.com.au/

 

Film Review: To Sir, With Love

This afternoon as I decided to turn on the T.V I came across the film: To Sir, With Love and I knew about it but and hadn’t ever seen it…

When Mum and I decided to watch “The Audrey Hepburn Story” with Jennifer Love Hewitt – which came out about 10 years ago, it started my mission to watch Audrey Hepburn movies – because even though it someone else posing as her – I felt that I must see her films… The first was Roman Holiday and from then on I was hooked…

One day from the video shop (yes I know techniquely they’re dvds…) Mum brought home a bunch of films all in black and white and all woderful…

Films just aren’t the same today – no matter what anyone else says and yes they have advanced in other ways, but honestly I don’t really want to spend $2 on a pair of plastic glasses that allows me to see “It flying right into your face!!!” (Besides that technology isn’t really that new anyway…)

I want to see it for the people in the story, a story that we can relate to, acting that makes me believe, cinematography that takes into the story, etc…

I really don’t care if the leaves falling from the sky feel as though they’re about to land on my face!

Plus actors that can really act…

Like Sidney Poitier who stars in “To Sir, With Love” although it may not be in black in white it still comes under my classification of ‘old films’…

His character is a hopeful engineer who in the meantime takes up a job as a teacher. The students that he teaches are rough and rebellious and his challenge is to get through them on any level – not just to teach…

He decides to first create strict rules in his classroom that gives them their first lesson in respect and what follows is a series of lesson on the subject of ‘life’ as he puts it.

Women’s rights and race issues come to the surface in his classroom – even when this image of ‘family’ has been created.

Throughout the film his character is put to the choice of becoming an engineer or choosing his classroom…

The way that this teacher is depicted by Sidney Poitier allows you to believe that what is one screen is actually real-life and we are soon swept up into what is wonderful about Mr. Poitier – he is truly magnificent… and the story is powerful and up-lifting…

The students in the classroom have had their lives changed and we start to feel their emotion… shown through the scene where they get to the museum – Poitier walks into a classroom of completely silent and tearful students and in this moment you realise the impact of this teacher…simply because they get to go to a museum.

I’ve been going to museums, art galleries, the zoo, etc for as long as I remember, these kids don’t have the time or the resources to do so, plus most the teachers before hand never would have taken them there and now here was someone willing to do so. He trusted these kids because he wanted to enrich their lives.

Being the 60s too – there were so many things e.g women expected to do all the house-work that has now changed most likely because of these people… he was also trying to show them that their lives weren’t limited to the stereotyped boxes they were placed in

In another scene they were being taught how to make a salad and one of the kids exclaimed “ah but that’s women’s work”, Poitier responded simply by noting that in a short time they would be out in the world and would have to know how to survive and that making this salad would save them even when they were poorer than poor. The students were completely immersed into the lesson and soon learnt how to make salad while forgetting who’s ‘job’ it was…

There is another scene which breaks through what gossip can do to do people when it concerns their reputation – but for those who haven’t seen it I won’t give it away. The point is, these students learn these most amazing lessons – which aren’t to do with what’s placed in a textbook and come out of it so grateful and genuinely good people which is amazing…

All this film has done is taken away hype and shown people what is a believable story which we the viewers might find teary but evidently up-lifting!

I rate this 8 apples out 10

(it’s about a teacher and I’m doing teaching so I’m going to be corny and rate out of apples)

The best bit was that I didn’t consider it procrastination because it’s about teaching – yeah I’m trying to justify why I wasn’t doing my homework, when I have a bucket load… 😉

If you haven’t seen a Sidney Poitier film, then you need to add it to your list:

Other films he is in and are recommended Raisin in the Sun and Guess Who is Coming to Dinner-

Don’t forget films with Audrey Hepburn, Katharine Hepburn, Gregory Peck, Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Natalie Wood, Sophia Loren and the list is never-ending really…

Watch older films – you won’t regret it!

Or if you don’t get much of a chance to rent DVDs then at least:

  • Casablanca
  • Breakfast at Tiffany’s
  • House Boat
  • To Kill A Mockingbird…
  • Anything else that is worthy… 😛

No – just start taking the train to work/school/uni because with the technology we have today we can watch films while travelling… we need to find the time to watch films, read books and enjoy food… not eat cos you eat to survive…like when you eat a nut-bar during a lecture that is draining your life – that’s possibly boredom too though…

Also not what I’m writing about….

Lesson of today:

Films are worth the time it takes to watch them especially when they’re good… where you learn something from them and continue to talk about them for years to come… I told Mum that I watched this – she said “oh that’s such a great film, did you like it… it’s something you’d love!”

Sing a long to the song that is played throughout and at the end – it really helps you feel like you’re in the story.

Signing off so I can finish my cocoa and marshmallows before hitting the hay!

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