Where does time go?

It’s five days until I leave for Darwin, seriously when did that happen? I always knew that the time for me to leave for this trip would come but it always seemed far away like somehow it wasn’t going to happen…

When I first put my name down as a person of interest… I thought – oh yeah it could happen, I could be spending 6 weeks in the NT for my final placement etc It will be totally amazing yadda yadda but for some reason in the back of my mind I didn’t actually think it was happening.

Why, I don’t really know?

I don’t think it was until about a month ago that the thought of actually doing this crossed my mind. The plans were in place, it was marked in my diary and I even knew who I was going to be partners with but still somehow I thought that I would still be in Melbourne…

But no it is really happening!

But it isn’t just this trip that has crept up on me it is also the whole year…

I still have vivid memories of celebrating new years – my one wish was that this year had to be better than last year after being as sick as I was  and not even thinking that I would finish my course in the same time as originally planned to now thinking about what job I want… I think I got the 2012 that I hoped for…

The trip will be amazing and will probably make the year for me but if you took that away I would still think that I’ve had a great year…

As simple as it is but not getting sick again is all I needed to get through this year… It was all I needed to say to myself at the end: “I’ve really had a good year”

A lot of people I think when they reflect on a year gone by think that if they haven’t had any grand accomplishments or done ‘amazing’ things like for example a huge OS trip or whatever it is that they want… that they think “oh what a crappy year” but for me a good year really means: being healthy, getting through anything challenging a long the way and just allowing for life to be the best that it can be in the moment…

One of my favourite quotes is

“be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”

I like this because it shows me that everyone out there has hard stuff that they have to deal with and that it isn’t just you. We forget this when we’re the ones that are ‘suffering’ because it does feel like we are the only ones, that we are the only ones going through something, that we are the only ones that feel miserable… But really we’re not. We’re one in a million/billion/trillion and there is probably someone else out there is going through something a lot worse than you are.

I remember when I was admitted to hospital before I had an appendectomy and thinking “oooh this feels so awful… no one else has any idea what this feels like, etc” you know that whole ‘wo as me…life is bad, etc” the common thing for people to do when they’re sick even if it’s just a cold…

Then I got a txt from a friend saying something like “I know how bad it felt before I had my operation, etc” (this friend also no longer has her appendix) and it made me realise how a lot of people have had the exact same operation that I was about to have and that it was going to be ok… plus not only that but I was going to have key hole surgery which is much more simple than how it used to be… so out came “it could be worse”

“it could be worse” last year became something I would say every time I got sick, every time my blood got tested, every time I got asked if I was pregnant, the list goes on…

And you know it’s so true “it could be worse”…

I’m not saying you’re never going to feel awful and when something happens to you especially if you have never had that happen before it is really hard to deal with, it’s tough… It is placed there for you to go through, experience and to face up to…

And I’m sorry to have to say this, but that’s life

Just like this time that is slowly drifting away, it’s going to happen and there really isn’t that much we can do about it. These next five days which is now looking more like 4 1/2 will take the time it takes and at the end of them I will be on a plane heading for Darwin.

The six weeks though that I’m away could actually feel quicker then these next few days – now that’s the scary bit 🙂

To me life is taking the happy/amazing/great/joyful/exciting parts or the sad/horrible/awful parts and being in either of those moments… you have to take all of those things as they are and except that sometimes that is just how it is…

Signing off so I can actually do something about all this packing I have to do… eeeeek!

 

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