I have writer’s block!!!

I have the urge to write but don’t know what to write. This is a rare occurence for me. A rare occurence indeed. Ususally I can write at any time even if it’s about the most mundane things… But this evening as I decided it was about time to write again – anything, just anything to get me going – I thought but I have nothing that I want to write about…

So instead I’m going to try this thing called a ‘stream of  consciousness’ or a continuous flow of thoughts in writing whereby I write all my thoughts as I think them… goodness I hope this isn’t over sharing

Here we go: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3,2, 1…

What am I afraid of? I’m listening in my mind to this song about someone being afraid of something to do with love but what is that I’m afraid of? Obviously I’m listening to this song because I can in some way I relate to it but I’ve never been in love so am I afraid of it? But I have had a broken heart just not in the traditional sense of it… my eyes are drooping so really I should sleep but I know as soon as I climb into bed it’s not going to happen that’s all I want to write  now… sleep gosh there is a part of me that wishes I wasn’t on holidays…

The sound of my fingers typing is a soothing sound that I like because it means that I’m writing something that’s just for me something that no one has to like it’s just for me just for me that’s what I like best about this typing though is very different to holding a pen or a pencil I feel as though somehow handwriting is nicer than typing…goodness I’m so old-fashioned why am I so old-fashioned?

If you look at my hair you wouldn’t think it was old-fashioned or the act of shaving it off maybe I’m partly old-fashioned and partly not… I miss you, you know… here I am getting that sinking feeling again of missing a person you love wait love in its traditional form isn’t all about the love between man and woman or woman and woman or man and man love can be friend and friend pet and owner etc but come on I am human I want the other kind…

Gosh people could be reading this soon what if I just deleted this entire post. Emma keep your eyes open. No. Go to bed. No awake. Awake is where you’ll be when you feel like this…

I am strong I know it other people know it and if I cry it’s not a sign of weakness it’s not it’s just not…hmmm why not have a sip of hot chocolate with almond milk yes that’s right I spent more than any normal person should on one litre of milk just so I knew what it bloody well tasted like and crap it had to taste so bloody good that I’ll buy it again why just why food for me has become an expense I mean I know I don’t need almond milk but in so many gluten-free recipes they use almond and rice milk so I thought oh what’s the harm in trying this milk it’s meant to be good for you so why bloody not the only problem is because I also didn’t want the milk loaded with sugar I got the bloody organic one I want so much to be healthy so I don’t have to go to fing hospital but I also don’t want to be poor why make people who have fing coeliac disease pay for it out of their hard-earned money why… so back to that crying thing yeah it’s happened

oh good it’s stopped sigh deep breath sigh and deep breath

ok I’m ok

19 days till I fly to Darwin why did I sign up for swirl I mean I know why but now I’m scared I’m excited but lets face it if I was lying I’d be saying I’m so excited and so honoured to be given this opportunity blah w****r is what I would call myself if I said that because it’s not true I mean the teaching thing the story telling thing great the bloody remote thing what was I thinking oh yeah I wanted the challenge crap I have to eat gluten-free food what was I thinking…oh this is stupid I’ll be fine no seriously ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok need to change my thoughts to something different.

Saw “Annie” today it was so fantastic and being able to see it with a great friend made it all the worth while and leaving the theatre we saw a wedding party who gets married in winter idiots. oh there would have been many reasons but seriously idiots.

ok I need to stop this otherwise the whole world if the whole world is reading will know my inner most thoughts and I don’t want that…

 

Activity complete. Back to normal:

It’s always good to write like that once in a while and it got me out of my writer’s block.

If there are readers of this post please don’t take my thoughts too seriously they were literally in the moment I didn’t plan what I was writing they came to me at the moment – also I’m tired so any worry or concern or even a positive emotion has been heightened by 1,000… plus the last time I did this I was in a state of joy and there were very different results I can tell you.

Lesson of today (to writers):

Writing all your thoughts like this can be a great way to ‘unleash’ anything that needs to be taken out of your mind to you free you up and write and also you might be surprised in what you come up with – some great story could come out of it!

*note* I read over what I wrote in the end for spelling and grammar in no way though did I delete anything that I wrote – that would defeat the purpose.

 

 

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Oh Baby It’s Cold Outside!

You know you are on holidays when it gets to 3:00am and you’re still awake. The day couldn’t have gone any slower and your pjs become the attire of choice…unless you need to buy chocolate. Well at least this is what happens in winter. Winter days are filled with dreaming up your next hearty but comforting dish and you can’t help but to indulge on baked goods… and knowing that tomorrow you’ll be wearing 3 jumpers just to keep warm makes it all the worth-while. This morning I nearly decided that  I would read all day long with a cup of tea and a cat on my lap, but as I realised there were forms to fill in for my up-coming N.T trip this wasn’t going to be possible…

But I will make it up to myself 🙂

At this point in time though it’s not just that I’m on holidays it’s also that I’m really close to finishing my degree! The day that I never thought would come is soon here and although I’m excited I can’t help but to take a big swallow and sigh!!

I cannot believe that I’m sitting here half-way to finishing my degree – I keep having this terrible dream that I’m in a classroom on my first day and all I do is stare at the kids… I don’t know what to do on my first day – I will, I know I will…but in the back of my mind I’m second-guessing myself… It’s almost like I need other people to stop saying that I’ll be fine and to say I’ll be rubbish – just so I can be determined to prove to them they’re wrong…but that’s crazy!!!!!

All these irrational thoughts are crazy… I just hope I’m not the only on thinking them…

Am I the only one thinking them?

This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!

Why do I do this to myself? Think like this?

I guess it’s partly human nature and partly going back to not believing in myself and also partly totally normal but still!!

Urggghhh…

I’m sure it will all come into place I just sometimes wish we didn’t have to go through all of this before it did or that I could just magically see exactly where I’ll be next year.

Ahhh I seriously dislike not knowing what I’ll be doing…

This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!

*deep breath*

Tonight I will dream:

Knowing what to do, knowing that mistakes are ok and knowing that I will be ok no matter what happens.

Tomorrow I will:

Write a list of things that still needs to happen before NT and tick them off as I do them so that I’m not sitting around stressing

and then we’ll go from there…

Is it too late to bake a cake?

I’m conjuring in my mind the perfect layered cake perfectly decorated, GF and utterly delicious…

Right now… maybe I’ll have a sneaky scoop of ice-cream with drinking chocolate on top? hmmm yes… Ice-cream in winter that’s what we all need!!

Ok. Good plan.

Lets go and execute it!!!

Lesson of the day (haven’t done one for ages…):

RELAX! It’s all good. 🙂

Signing off to make a yummy concoction.

A Purple Foods Tea Party

 

As a child a read a book where the characters in this book decided to have a red food day – they would treat themselves to all their favourite red foods and make it a celebration of their favourite colour.

I though have always loved purple and thought that celebrating this colour in eating food of that colour would be much harder – I mean all I could think of was eggplant, plums, beetroot, blackcurrant or foods that had more a purple tinge than colour…

However this afternoon I decided that I would use my purple carrots and make carrot cake which brought back the idea of having a party with all the foods being purple. It seems to be that the rediscovery of food in their natural colour of purple have been made with the carrot, potato, corn, capsicum, etc Although most of these foods do have many colours the idea behind making a ‘discovery’ of the purple form is that they are the superfood…

Or making discoveries in the western world??

It seems to be that superfoods are a part of the ‘modern’ world… but as I’m not one to eat these things because they are popular in the media I will continue with the idea of eating my way through many of these purple foods – to see if I’m eating them because they are purple of if I simply prefer them.

Once of course – I have more recipes under my wing I will of be having this purple foods tea party to live a childhood wish and to see how many foods I can produce that are purple!

As I’m known for being a sweet tooth and baker – I’m sure as well as the veggies there will be many treats on offer… yum!!

If you chose to comment on this post – please send me recipe ideas. (make sure they are gluten free!!)

Looking forward to this celebration of food and colour – maybe one day I’ll try another colour?

But for now I’m signing off for chai tea and my carrot cake [oops to the nearly 10 at night 😉 ]

You’re everywhere to me

Image

(http://abscenes.wordpress.com/tag/andrew-brown-landscape-photography/)

BY THE BOAB TREE – LYRICS:

Sing and I will hear you
No matter where you are
A song to light the darkest night
And guide me from afar

And I will never be alone
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
A reason to believe
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Lay your arms around me
Like the falling rain
Let the feeling drown me
And life begins again

And I will never be afraid
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
The warming of the sun upon
The earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Oh you are somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
And you’re the earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

I listen to this song whenever I need reminding that even when loved ones have left this earth – they are still here in some way or another. A week from today two years ago I lost a dear friend – in fact there were many of us that lost that person. I know though – that there is one thing for sure, her love was never lost and never will be…

I’m writing this now because I know that next week it will be harder to do so…

Dearest Amelia,

You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
A reason to believe
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you…

Forever and always you are in my heart.

Ems xoxoxo

I wrote a poem inspired by the song and of the love for my friend…

Called Love and Allhttp://songbirdwriting.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/love-and-all.html (found here)