This so called modern-life we live in…

Is is just me or does everything feel like a big deal to people these days?

A) You can’t say that or he/she’ll will be offended

B) You have to be really careful about what you name your baby or otherwise they’ll be stuck with something boring or be teased – yet Apple or Cruz is somehow accepted because that baby belongs to a celebrity… and Molly spelt Mollie is also ok, because at least then the spelling is unique… heaven forbid people stick with Sarah or Alex…

C) Your children have to live in amazingly decorated rooms cos otherwise they will have no friends

D) Your child’s first birthday party or any birthday party for your child has to include a jumping castle, a face painter, pass the parcel with carefully selected paper – also properly decorated because apparently newspaper isn’t the way to go anymore, plus goodie bags without lollies and instead healthy snacks cos no child is allowed fairy bread anymore even on their birthday

D) Children under five mustn’t watch T.V – it will most certainly rot their brain or worse – have them not being able to read before they go to school

E) You have to have a completely super organised house – otherwise all your friends will have to go out to dinner cos otherwise it’ll be too shameful to have them over

F) There is a gadget for everything and if you dare go outside without the latest kindle then don’t even dare leaving the house again

G) Don’t enjoy being pregnant and expecting your first child just feel the ‘pressure’ of doing everything right – don’t forget if you eat sandwich meat your baby will die…

H) Don’t yell at children ever – cos their self esteem will be shattered and if you can’t yell then don’t slap either…

I) If you’re not married when you decide to have children then forget it everyone will ‘out’ you

J) Replace all lollies with carrot sticks cos clearly we can’t enjoy food anymore

K) On the topic of food if it’s not organic then don’t buy it – cos you’re just going to get glared get at by the check-out chick

L) Refuse, Reuse, Recycle – everything or else!

M) Safe the world. If you don’t donate to 100 causes a week then really you shouldn’t be allowed to live

N) You got your coffee from where? No don’t go there, the person doesn’t use the foam to make sure it’s presented with a pretty bird on a tree branch on top and the barista doesn’t make the milk hot enough so it burns your toung…

O) I buy all my clothes, gifts, etc online, plus get all my food and essentials home delivered, plus I just don’t leave the house because I don’t have anytime yet I’m sitting here on my computer blogging about how I don’t have time… and really this sentence is taking all my time… where has all the time gone

P) I can’t call  my friends anymore let alone see them because of my busy lifestyle

Q) I have a Nintendo Wii to do yoga and play tennis because really any sort of exercise done outdoors I can’t stand and doesn’t fit in with my life…cos it’s just so hectic

R) and continuing with this topic – the other day I had to look up this great word – Relax when my friend told me I should do it more often… I thought sounds great – but really where can I fit it in

S) As a teacher I have to remember to say chalkboard, not to sing baa baa black sheep, to talk to all the parents as though their children are angels and gifted, to make sure I never show my students that I’m human , etc – but do I also need to say interactive felt-tip pen board… should I have a melt-down now to get it over and done with – because clearly it’s inevitable…

T) When I become a mother I’ll have to hire a nanny, casual babysitter, night nurse, etc and only talk to them when they really need to…because all those activities that they’ll have to go to I just won’t be able to take them to… plus simply reading them a story is just too much of a hassle

U) Where are all my hair and beauty essentials… I may only be going to buy milk…but seriously you never know who you’ll bump into… oh my gosh here comes another melt-down…

V) Did I tell you about Facebook, blogger, tumblr, you tube, pinterest, this site that I’m on now, twitter, google plus and whatever else I’ve used to divulge everything about my personal life on? I mean seriously if you don’t go look at one those pages, then the photos from the latest party/wedding/christening/house-warming/gig/*insert event here* that I went to – or the video footage of my child’s birth will not be shown to you because I’m a private person and don’t really want people to see those things…but seriously you probably don’t want to see all the details anyway. 😉

W) Did you watch the latest of junior masterchef? Since when do children know how to not just make cupcakes or cookies with icing on top – but things that I don’t even know how to pronounce

X) When you do find the time to catch up with friends, don’t forget to document the entire outing on Facebook via your phone so that everyone can know what you’re up to – heaven forbid you actually talk to your friend

Y) If you dare let any of my children near dirt then I’ll blame you when they they’re allergic to everything… oh and please make sure you use the detol soap dispenser that you don’t actually touch…

Z) School, Uni, Career, Marriage, Kids, there is no other way to life really and if you don’t live by this standard then clearly you don’t have a life and if you turn up to your kids graduation at the age of anywhere between 40-50 then really you were far to young to be having children because really we’re not allowed to have kids until 35 and no younger because before then is just too young. My mother was 25 when she had my brother – what do you say to that?

HA HA HA HA HA HA I am evil.

Ok – so just a heads up – most of these ‘complaints’ are me joking and I’m not really being serious. But I do think that we all need to relax including myself. Your life is your life it shouldn’t be mapped out according to what other people say and you should just live it the way you wish.

Even if you do, do the things on this list – it’s ok.

Can we stop judging and criticising people because clearly by the fact that I came up with about 26 ideas on how people ‘should’ live their lives – is a statement in itself…

I’m sick of reading articles titled with “The pressures of pregnancy” “How to decorate your child’s room” “We all seem to have allergies or food intolerance” “There are women as young as 20 deciding to get a sperm donation – what a shock” “Baa baa black sheep banned from childcare centres” or watching ads that are advertising these products that allow children to learn how to read before they get to school…

I see parents on the streets negotiating with their children about their behaviour – what happened to “Come here NOW!” or a slap on a wrist – I don’t agree with bashing your children or making out like their bad people… but I got yelled at or had small hits on my wrist  and usually it was because I was crossing the road without mum or about to touch the stove… and I’ve turned out to be a pretty normal and genuinely good person…

Lesson of the day:

Chill out!!! It’s ok if your apple came from the supermarket and you gave your child a lolly snake.

Language development is important before a child gets to kindergarten/school but we have teachers for a reason.

Signing out as I’m about to spend time with my mother and brother whom I love very much!

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lipstickrhetoric
    Mar 31, 2012 @ 10:24:48

    All this political correctness has become exhausting hasn’t it?

    I really don’t understand the competitiveness amongst parents to outdo others with the birthday party and have the perfect child who sleeps through the night from day one, is toilet trained and walking before any one else’s child and can speak 5 languages and play two musical instruments before starting school. Parents seem to place themselves under so much unnecessary pressure running their kids to all sorts of after school activities. I bet the children are exhausted too. They don’t seem to be allowed to just be children anymore. Perhaps it comes from guilt the parents are feeling at being away at work when they would rather be with their children and therefore they over compensate.

    I agree, we all need to chill out and relax and enjoy a simpler life.

    Reply

    • quirkymelbournian
      Mar 31, 2012 @ 11:13:57

      Thanks for your comment. It’s so true, we’ve all become exhausted over all this stuff that we’ve gotten ourselves into. When I was a kid, I loved being able to go to the park or even just watching my mum sew – because she was there… not because it was a special ‘outing’ or activity.

      Reply

  2. Anna
    Mar 31, 2012 @ 11:57:46

    Laughing so hard at O.

    Reply

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